/I'm on a Roll. I know It doesn't seem like it because I took two weeks off between blogs posts, but I've actually been going through books so fast that I didn't want to stop and write about them. Up Next, in rapid succession, the Divergent Trilogy. Let's get Started.
Divergent is the first book in a dystopian young adult sci-fi trilogy. It reminds me of a cross between harry potter and the hunger games, but with more shocking violence.
Beatrice Prior lives in the remains of Chicago several hundred years in the future. In an effort to create a peaceful society, people are sorted into one of 5 factions with differing emotional traits. To save you from having to look up the $10 words author Veronica Roth uses, here are the factions: selfless, peaceful, honest, brave, & Intelligent. There is also the factionless, which is a group of homeless people who can't conform.
Beatrice has been raised to be a member of the selfless faction but during her attribute test, she discovers that she is "divergent", meaning that she is fit for multiple factions. Turns out that's bad. Like, the type of thing that can get you executed bad. So she decides to switch factions and join the brave faction where it will be easier to hide. What follows is a pretty horrific initiation process that results in some of the most brutal moments I've read in teen fiction, which include characters being driven to suicide, sneak attack eye stabbings, and a late night sexual assault. Don't worry though, there is a cute guy to lighten the mood. Oh wait, he's pretty messed up too. Ok, he's not that bad, and I do appreciate that we don't have to deal with a love triangle.
The pacing of this book is lightning fast and we go from 0-100 mph faster than any series I've read. The book ends with a series of events normally reserved for the third book in a series. This is Red Wedding type stuff. It's brutal and captivating, and you need to read this book.
9/10
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Um, Sweetie, are you watching Wrestling?
A few weeks ago I was sitting home with a case of bronchitis and an allergy attack. My brain felt like it was being squished and I couldn't breathe so hot either. Basically, I needed to just lay on the couch and zone out for few days. It's the kind of sick where you can't really sleep, but your brain can't focus on much either. What is a guy to do to pass the time??? Well, I had just listened to an episode of the Dork Forest podcast (it's awesome, you should check it out) where the dorkdom of the day was professional wrestling. Listening to a pair of 40-something dudes talk about their love of Pro-wrestling brought back the memories of watching WCW with my dad back in grade school. So I thought to myself, "what the hell?" and I began watching old Royal Rumble matches on YouTube while I waiting for my brain to start working again.....
20+ Royal Rumbles later, and now I find myself inexplicably fascinated with the product. When I was a young boy, I knew wrestling was "fake" and that was part of the fun. We'd put each other in the "submission" holds and laugh at how ineffective they were. Since the word fake was applied, I could enjoy it as pure fantasy. Fast forward 15 or so years and I find myself with a new appreciation for what these athletes put themselves through. Yes, pro-wrestling is entertainment, not sport, but it takes world-class athletes to make it work. When you look at the shear number of former wrestlers who died prematurely or have to live with crippling health issues, you realize that this isn't as "fake" as people would like you to believe.
Perhaps the saddest story involves one of my favorite wrestlers when I was young. Chris Benoit was one of the most exhilarating performers I've ever seen. He was 2 tons of ferocity in a 170lb body. Then, one day he murdered he wife and child. He sat around the house for a day or so before hanging himself. When they did the autopsy, they discovered that Benoit had the brain degeneration normally reserved for people in their late 80s. He suffered the same kind of repeated concussions that have become a scourge to the NFL. Netfix also has a nice selection of career retrospectives of former wrestling legends. The common theme through most of them is the severe amount of physical harm these performers endure. What you also see though, is a sense that these performers seem to feel that the sacrifice is worth it to put on shows that thrill audiences.
So what about the shows, you ask? How can I be drawn to something so barbaric and silly? Well, I'm not totally sure. I do know that the few people I know of who also like wrestling are thoughtful, highly intelligent people, and not the stereotypical rednecks and jocks the program is commonly associated with. Wrestling seems to be a fascinating mix of some of my favorite forms of entertainment. You have theatrical characters and set pieces, storylines that would fit at home in your standard action movie, death defying stunts, and this weird mix of truth and misdirection. The best wrestling is a master class in improvisation as the wrestlers weave enough truth into their storylines so that you aren't always sure when or how you are being lied to. Indeed, the most exciting performers are simply playing larger than life versions of themselves. Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Mick Foley, CM Punk and others are all revealing sides of themselves to create their characters and giving them a sense of authenticity that draws you to them. I also like the way that Wrestling airs some of it's real dirty laundry and weaves it into the main storyline. CM Punk is famous for a promo he did in 2011 where he basically broke the 4th wall and said a lot of things that fans were feeling. It was by all appearances, a "shoot"(when the performer goes off script) and it is still electrifying to watch. While honesty on the mic is good, the in-ring product is at it's best when the opponents have great chemistry and trust. A truly great match involves performers working together to tell a story, and you can't do that if you don't trust your partner. For those of you who are actors, you know the difference between having a scene with a generous performer who connects with you and one who barely notices that your are there.
I love the way Pro wrestling can create sport as we wish it could be. One of the first Pay-per view events after the death of Eddie Guerrero was the 2006 Royal Rumble. As a sign of respect, one of his best friends, Rey Mysterio entered the 30 man elimination match to Eddie's old entrance music in a low rider. He said before hand that he was dedicating his performance to the memory of his friend. Rey went 60 minutes in the ring and won the event. Knowing it was all per-determined didn't stop me from throwing my fists in the air and cheering when he won. It was like a live version of Rudy and showcased the best that wrestling has to offer.
I also enjoy the way that some injuries are handled. Steve Austin suffered a severe neck injury during a botched piledriver in a match with Owen Hart. He continued to perform with the injury until surgery became essential. Rather than simply letting the biggest name in the game leave quietly for a year, they worked his absence into a storyline and had him get run over by a car while leaving the arena. As a Packer fan, I can say that that plot development is much more satisfying than say, watching your star quarterback go down in the first drive of a game and then the team craps all over the field for the next 5 weeks before learning to play football again. I'm sure Colts Fans can relate after enduring the "Suck for Luck" season. Wouldn't it have been more fun to have Jim Irsay run Peyton Manning down with is limo as a way to avoid signing him to a new contract?
Lastly, I appreciate the way the nature of Pro-wrestling allows legends to come back for one more moment in the sun. The best examples of this are in the Royal Rumble matches. The match starts with two wrestlers with a new wrestler being added every 90 seconds. Wrestlers are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope and both feet touching the floor. The last man standing after all 30 wrestlers enter wins. With so much happening, it's a great time for an old favorite to come out and hear the roar of the crowd, throw a few punches and get eliminated before breaking a hip. Seeing guys like "Hacksaw" Jim Dugan or Jake "the Snake" Roberts come out for a few more minutes of glory is kind of awesome. It's almost like bringing Joe Montana back for a series just to see him throw one more touchdown. In the back of my mind, I know that Jake Roberts is going to have to go right back to the trailer he lives in by my wife's grandma once the show is done, but I'm also happy that he gets a reminder that he hasn't been completely forgotten. You can say what you want about the Rock vs. Hulk Hogan at wrestle mania, but I like getting to see the guys who didn't get that big get one more standing ovation. And a paycheck. I saw The Wrestler. I know they need the paycheck too.
Thanks for bearing with me through this whole post. As a thank-you, here are a couple of my personal favorite moments to look up on You tube/netflix.
Honorable mention: 2000 Royal Rumble, Rikishi shows everybody that big men can dance. It's very silly.
Best match if you like your wrestling PG: 2006 Royal Rumble with Rey Mysterio
Best Match if you like your wrestling Extreme: Mankind Vs. Undertaker Hell in the Cell Match. Mankind survives one of the most horrifying stunts I've ever seen, and then finishes the match with his tooth sticking out of his nose. Yes, you read that right. It's as amazing and thrilling as it is gut-wrenching. Also, my dog is scared of the Undertaker's entrance music.
There are many many more matches that I'm sure my more knowledgeable friends could point you to, but these are the ones that made me need to see more. Now if I could just find a free ticket to the upcoming Elimination Chamber at the Target Center...
20+ Royal Rumbles later, and now I find myself inexplicably fascinated with the product. When I was a young boy, I knew wrestling was "fake" and that was part of the fun. We'd put each other in the "submission" holds and laugh at how ineffective they were. Since the word fake was applied, I could enjoy it as pure fantasy. Fast forward 15 or so years and I find myself with a new appreciation for what these athletes put themselves through. Yes, pro-wrestling is entertainment, not sport, but it takes world-class athletes to make it work. When you look at the shear number of former wrestlers who died prematurely or have to live with crippling health issues, you realize that this isn't as "fake" as people would like you to believe.
Perhaps the saddest story involves one of my favorite wrestlers when I was young. Chris Benoit was one of the most exhilarating performers I've ever seen. He was 2 tons of ferocity in a 170lb body. Then, one day he murdered he wife and child. He sat around the house for a day or so before hanging himself. When they did the autopsy, they discovered that Benoit had the brain degeneration normally reserved for people in their late 80s. He suffered the same kind of repeated concussions that have become a scourge to the NFL. Netfix also has a nice selection of career retrospectives of former wrestling legends. The common theme through most of them is the severe amount of physical harm these performers endure. What you also see though, is a sense that these performers seem to feel that the sacrifice is worth it to put on shows that thrill audiences.
So what about the shows, you ask? How can I be drawn to something so barbaric and silly? Well, I'm not totally sure. I do know that the few people I know of who also like wrestling are thoughtful, highly intelligent people, and not the stereotypical rednecks and jocks the program is commonly associated with. Wrestling seems to be a fascinating mix of some of my favorite forms of entertainment. You have theatrical characters and set pieces, storylines that would fit at home in your standard action movie, death defying stunts, and this weird mix of truth and misdirection. The best wrestling is a master class in improvisation as the wrestlers weave enough truth into their storylines so that you aren't always sure when or how you are being lied to. Indeed, the most exciting performers are simply playing larger than life versions of themselves. Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Mick Foley, CM Punk and others are all revealing sides of themselves to create their characters and giving them a sense of authenticity that draws you to them. I also like the way that Wrestling airs some of it's real dirty laundry and weaves it into the main storyline. CM Punk is famous for a promo he did in 2011 where he basically broke the 4th wall and said a lot of things that fans were feeling. It was by all appearances, a "shoot"(when the performer goes off script) and it is still electrifying to watch. While honesty on the mic is good, the in-ring product is at it's best when the opponents have great chemistry and trust. A truly great match involves performers working together to tell a story, and you can't do that if you don't trust your partner. For those of you who are actors, you know the difference between having a scene with a generous performer who connects with you and one who barely notices that your are there.
I love the way Pro wrestling can create sport as we wish it could be. One of the first Pay-per view events after the death of Eddie Guerrero was the 2006 Royal Rumble. As a sign of respect, one of his best friends, Rey Mysterio entered the 30 man elimination match to Eddie's old entrance music in a low rider. He said before hand that he was dedicating his performance to the memory of his friend. Rey went 60 minutes in the ring and won the event. Knowing it was all per-determined didn't stop me from throwing my fists in the air and cheering when he won. It was like a live version of Rudy and showcased the best that wrestling has to offer.
I also enjoy the way that some injuries are handled. Steve Austin suffered a severe neck injury during a botched piledriver in a match with Owen Hart. He continued to perform with the injury until surgery became essential. Rather than simply letting the biggest name in the game leave quietly for a year, they worked his absence into a storyline and had him get run over by a car while leaving the arena. As a Packer fan, I can say that that plot development is much more satisfying than say, watching your star quarterback go down in the first drive of a game and then the team craps all over the field for the next 5 weeks before learning to play football again. I'm sure Colts Fans can relate after enduring the "Suck for Luck" season. Wouldn't it have been more fun to have Jim Irsay run Peyton Manning down with is limo as a way to avoid signing him to a new contract?
Lastly, I appreciate the way the nature of Pro-wrestling allows legends to come back for one more moment in the sun. The best examples of this are in the Royal Rumble matches. The match starts with two wrestlers with a new wrestler being added every 90 seconds. Wrestlers are eliminated by being thrown over the top rope and both feet touching the floor. The last man standing after all 30 wrestlers enter wins. With so much happening, it's a great time for an old favorite to come out and hear the roar of the crowd, throw a few punches and get eliminated before breaking a hip. Seeing guys like "Hacksaw" Jim Dugan or Jake "the Snake" Roberts come out for a few more minutes of glory is kind of awesome. It's almost like bringing Joe Montana back for a series just to see him throw one more touchdown. In the back of my mind, I know that Jake Roberts is going to have to go right back to the trailer he lives in by my wife's grandma once the show is done, but I'm also happy that he gets a reminder that he hasn't been completely forgotten. You can say what you want about the Rock vs. Hulk Hogan at wrestle mania, but I like getting to see the guys who didn't get that big get one more standing ovation. And a paycheck. I saw The Wrestler. I know they need the paycheck too.
Thanks for bearing with me through this whole post. As a thank-you, here are a couple of my personal favorite moments to look up on You tube/netflix.
Honorable mention: 2000 Royal Rumble, Rikishi shows everybody that big men can dance. It's very silly.
Best match if you like your wrestling PG: 2006 Royal Rumble with Rey Mysterio
Best Match if you like your wrestling Extreme: Mankind Vs. Undertaker Hell in the Cell Match. Mankind survives one of the most horrifying stunts I've ever seen, and then finishes the match with his tooth sticking out of his nose. Yes, you read that right. It's as amazing and thrilling as it is gut-wrenching. Also, my dog is scared of the Undertaker's entrance music.
There are many many more matches that I'm sure my more knowledgeable friends could point you to, but these are the ones that made me need to see more. Now if I could just find a free ticket to the upcoming Elimination Chamber at the Target Center...
100 by 30 Book 44 - The She-Hulk Diaries by Marta Acosta
What do you get when you mix chick-lit with the Marvel Universe? A surprisingly fun and breezy tale of lawsuits, genetic manipulation, and the never ending quest to find the right love of your life. The She-Hulk Diaries follows a half year in the life of Jennifer Walters / She-Hulk.
For those you aren't familiar with Bruce Banner's Cousin, here's the quick rundown: Jennifer Walters was an up and coming hot shot attorney when some bad thing happened to her. Bruce donated his blood to save her life and she gained a version of his Hulk powers. Unlike Hulk, She-Hulk is a smart, sexy fully expressive character. Since she has her own personality, Jennifer is basically sharing her body with her room mate. Since She-Hulk is indestructible, she tends to live on the wild side, enjoying all night parties, and often making the kind of choices normally reserved for former Disney child stars. Despite their prowess in the courtroom, Jennifer/She-Hulk are being evicted from the Avengers' mansion due to several extra-curricular incidents involving millions of dollars of property damage.
The book is told through the eyes of Jennifer as she tries to get her life back on track in the new year. When it comes time for her to Hulk-out, we get a sense of what it feels like to watch someone else control your body. Jennifer and "Shulky" have a fun sisterly dynamic with Jennifer trying to keep Shulky from appearing on TMZ, Shulky tries to get Jennifer to let loose a little more. It works well as character development, and the notes they leave to each other offer a nice dose of humor.
The main conflict involves a bio-engineering lawsuit where Jennifer is suing the best friend of a former fling of hers and said fling happens to be engaged to here new boss. We get lots of insults, snide comments, and smoldering glances. We also get a sexy Swedish scientist who might not be all that he seems.
While the book is decidedly a light read, I have to say I found it to be rather charming in it's own way. If I'm gonna read a silly romance book, I do prefer a story with smart, self-reliant female characters who can take care of themselves. It also helps if I get a nice dose of super-powered awesomeness.
7/10
For those you aren't familiar with Bruce Banner's Cousin, here's the quick rundown: Jennifer Walters was an up and coming hot shot attorney when some bad thing happened to her. Bruce donated his blood to save her life and she gained a version of his Hulk powers. Unlike Hulk, She-Hulk is a smart, sexy fully expressive character. Since she has her own personality, Jennifer is basically sharing her body with her room mate. Since She-Hulk is indestructible, she tends to live on the wild side, enjoying all night parties, and often making the kind of choices normally reserved for former Disney child stars. Despite their prowess in the courtroom, Jennifer/She-Hulk are being evicted from the Avengers' mansion due to several extra-curricular incidents involving millions of dollars of property damage.
The book is told through the eyes of Jennifer as she tries to get her life back on track in the new year. When it comes time for her to Hulk-out, we get a sense of what it feels like to watch someone else control your body. Jennifer and "Shulky" have a fun sisterly dynamic with Jennifer trying to keep Shulky from appearing on TMZ, Shulky tries to get Jennifer to let loose a little more. It works well as character development, and the notes they leave to each other offer a nice dose of humor.
The main conflict involves a bio-engineering lawsuit where Jennifer is suing the best friend of a former fling of hers and said fling happens to be engaged to here new boss. We get lots of insults, snide comments, and smoldering glances. We also get a sexy Swedish scientist who might not be all that he seems.
While the book is decidedly a light read, I have to say I found it to be rather charming in it's own way. If I'm gonna read a silly romance book, I do prefer a story with smart, self-reliant female characters who can take care of themselves. It also helps if I get a nice dose of super-powered awesomeness.
7/10
Thursday, December 5, 2013
100 by 30 Book 43 - The Lord of the Rings: The Appendices...'cuz you weren't going to read it.
Yes I am counting the Appendices to the Lord of the Rings as a whole book. First of all, it's well over a hundred pages. Secondly, someone had to see what was in there so they could explain to you why the Hobbit is being stretched into 3 films. And finally, because holy crap is this some dull reading.
We'll get to the good stuff in a minute, but we need to spend a little time covering what constitutes about two thirds of the Appendices first. Here are the three topics that take up the majority of this book:
1. genealogy - You remember that whole section of the bible where they just list names? Imagine that with sillier names.
2. pronunciation guide and a history of languages - This is your go-to spot for an in depth look at how to pronounce the different languages in Middle Earth and why. It's also good for curing insomnia. This is your next step once you've mastered Klingon.
3. Calendars - How much time do you think someone could devote to explaining how months and weeks work? one, maybe two paragraphs? Try about 20+ pages of the most banal minutiae you can think of. I don't understand how this even got published for public viewing. Does the 8th Amendment mean nothing?!
While the above list contains nothing I would recommend anyone to read ever, it does shed light on just how specific Tolkien was in creating Middle Earth. From that perspective, it's almost admirable. Crazy, but admirable. Like a street preacher in Minneapolis in February, you gotta award points for commitment.
So what else is in the appendices? Quite a bit actually. We get a very nice overview of the history of the race of men, including a brief recounting of the fall of the ancient island of Numenor. For those of you who don't know, Numenor was more or less a Middle Earth version of the Atlantis myth. Everyone who lived there was super smart and awesome and lived for hundreds of years. But their long lives and massive power only made them long to have the power and immortality of the elves. So with a little coaxing from Sauron, they made the Valar (angels or demigod-like beings)very mad and Numenor was destroyed. Those who Survived sailed to Middle Earth and Founded the nations of Gondor in the South, and Arnor in the North (which included the Shire). They ruled over the more common men who lived their and things were good for a bit. Then Sauron returned and he was super mad because he got all messed up when Numenor was destroyed and he couldn't look pretty anymore. Then there was that whole thing about the rings that you saw in the prologue to the Fellowship of the Ring and Sauron goes bye bye for a few thousand years.
In the meantime, there's like, millions of battles with the bad guys from the East and South. Then the Witch King (that bad dude who got stabbed in the face by that girl in the 3rd movie) sets up his fortress in Angmar (In the north west, above the shire) and just kills everybody for a long time until the northern Kingdom is destroyed. He's finally chased away or something, and that's how Aragorn's people where reduced from kings to rangers. Other highlights cover the founding of Rohan, the decline of Gondor, the corruption of Sauroman, and the full story of Arwen and Aragorn. There is a lot of fascinating stuff
to browse through here.
As for the Hobbit stuff. We get a nice history of the dwarves. We learn that it was the awakening of the Balrog in Moria that caused the dwarves to move to the Lonely Mountain in the first place. Some of the dwarves moved to the mountains in the far north, which brought the attention of the dragons, which isn't a good thing, so they moved back to the Lonely Mountain and things were great for awhile. Then that Smaug thing happened. The basic history of what happened next is covered in the first Hobbit film. More importantly, we learn why Gandalf even got involved in the first place. Gandalf knew an evil was stirring, and he also knew that there was no power in the North to withstand an assault if Sauron should return. The Dwarves living in the Iron Hills were cut off from any allies by the desolation of Smaug and the dragon himself. Gandalf was aiding Thorin in hopes that the dragon might be destroyed and the north might be restored, thereby strengthening the defense of Middle Earth while simultaneously removing a formidable foe and potential ally of Sauron. The plan went better than anticipated as the battle of five armies destroyed a huge legion of orcs as well. The North was then able to successfully defeat the armies Sauron threw at them during the War of the Ring.
We also get a simple statement that Gandalf led a successful assault on Sauron's fortress of Dol Guldur in Southern Mirkwood forest. In the original Hobbit book, Gandalf just leaves without much warning. When we finally see him again at the end of the book he's all, "Yeah, sorry about leaving, had to gather a bunch of my super friends together to drive the Necromancer out of Mirkwood." Which always made me angry. Fighting a Necromancer sounds awesome and badass and way cooler than dwarves under siege because their king has gone cukoo for Cocoa Puffs (in this analogy, Cocoa Puffs=more gold than you can shake a stick at). This is a major, major event in the history of Middle Earth, and we've never been presented with an adequate telling of the battle of Dol Guldur. Until now. And, because it's the sort of event that demands setting up and fleshing out, that's why you need 3 Hobbit movies. So quit your whinning, pee before the movie starts, and enjoy some more dwarf songs!
We'll get to the good stuff in a minute, but we need to spend a little time covering what constitutes about two thirds of the Appendices first. Here are the three topics that take up the majority of this book:
1. genealogy - You remember that whole section of the bible where they just list names? Imagine that with sillier names.
2. pronunciation guide and a history of languages - This is your go-to spot for an in depth look at how to pronounce the different languages in Middle Earth and why. It's also good for curing insomnia. This is your next step once you've mastered Klingon.
3. Calendars - How much time do you think someone could devote to explaining how months and weeks work? one, maybe two paragraphs? Try about 20+ pages of the most banal minutiae you can think of. I don't understand how this even got published for public viewing. Does the 8th Amendment mean nothing?!
While the above list contains nothing I would recommend anyone to read ever, it does shed light on just how specific Tolkien was in creating Middle Earth. From that perspective, it's almost admirable. Crazy, but admirable. Like a street preacher in Minneapolis in February, you gotta award points for commitment.
So what else is in the appendices? Quite a bit actually. We get a very nice overview of the history of the race of men, including a brief recounting of the fall of the ancient island of Numenor. For those of you who don't know, Numenor was more or less a Middle Earth version of the Atlantis myth. Everyone who lived there was super smart and awesome and lived for hundreds of years. But their long lives and massive power only made them long to have the power and immortality of the elves. So with a little coaxing from Sauron, they made the Valar (angels or demigod-like beings)very mad and Numenor was destroyed. Those who Survived sailed to Middle Earth and Founded the nations of Gondor in the South, and Arnor in the North (which included the Shire). They ruled over the more common men who lived their and things were good for a bit. Then Sauron returned and he was super mad because he got all messed up when Numenor was destroyed and he couldn't look pretty anymore. Then there was that whole thing about the rings that you saw in the prologue to the Fellowship of the Ring and Sauron goes bye bye for a few thousand years.
In the meantime, there's like, millions of battles with the bad guys from the East and South. Then the Witch King (that bad dude who got stabbed in the face by that girl in the 3rd movie) sets up his fortress in Angmar (In the north west, above the shire) and just kills everybody for a long time until the northern Kingdom is destroyed. He's finally chased away or something, and that's how Aragorn's people where reduced from kings to rangers. Other highlights cover the founding of Rohan, the decline of Gondor, the corruption of Sauroman, and the full story of Arwen and Aragorn. There is a lot of fascinating stuff
to browse through here.
As for the Hobbit stuff. We get a nice history of the dwarves. We learn that it was the awakening of the Balrog in Moria that caused the dwarves to move to the Lonely Mountain in the first place. Some of the dwarves moved to the mountains in the far north, which brought the attention of the dragons, which isn't a good thing, so they moved back to the Lonely Mountain and things were great for awhile. Then that Smaug thing happened. The basic history of what happened next is covered in the first Hobbit film. More importantly, we learn why Gandalf even got involved in the first place. Gandalf knew an evil was stirring, and he also knew that there was no power in the North to withstand an assault if Sauron should return. The Dwarves living in the Iron Hills were cut off from any allies by the desolation of Smaug and the dragon himself. Gandalf was aiding Thorin in hopes that the dragon might be destroyed and the north might be restored, thereby strengthening the defense of Middle Earth while simultaneously removing a formidable foe and potential ally of Sauron. The plan went better than anticipated as the battle of five armies destroyed a huge legion of orcs as well. The North was then able to successfully defeat the armies Sauron threw at them during the War of the Ring.
We also get a simple statement that Gandalf led a successful assault on Sauron's fortress of Dol Guldur in Southern Mirkwood forest. In the original Hobbit book, Gandalf just leaves without much warning. When we finally see him again at the end of the book he's all, "Yeah, sorry about leaving, had to gather a bunch of my super friends together to drive the Necromancer out of Mirkwood." Which always made me angry. Fighting a Necromancer sounds awesome and badass and way cooler than dwarves under siege because their king has gone cukoo for Cocoa Puffs (in this analogy, Cocoa Puffs=more gold than you can shake a stick at). This is a major, major event in the history of Middle Earth, and we've never been presented with an adequate telling of the battle of Dol Guldur. Until now. And, because it's the sort of event that demands setting up and fleshing out, that's why you need 3 Hobbit movies. So quit your whinning, pee before the movie starts, and enjoy some more dwarf songs!
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