I'm saving the Toy Story sequels for last. I want to make sure that this project ends on a high note. Bolt is not a high note. Bolt is the most insufferable kind of modern cartoon. It's hip, winking, and never even comes close to hitting on an honest moment during the entire 96 min runtime. Bolt is the star of a knockoff Inspector Gadget TV show. The show within a show intro is the closest this movie comes to being entertaining, but then we get to see behind the scenes of the show. For some stupid reason, the whole show is designed to fool the dog into thinking the show is real. They go to absurd lengths, which are played for laughs, but the jokes are strained and stupid. In fact the whole movie is working way to hard to fool a dog into thinking he's a superhero. I have a dog. He can be fooled with very little effort, it's called "The fake throw" and it works every time. Anyway, blah blah blah Bolt thinks his owner has been kidnapped and runs away to save her. Then we get wacky adventures with obnoxious characters and a recurring joke about styrofoam. From sidekick to star, the whole thing is strained and painfully unfunny (except for a few brief moments from the hamster) I think the biggest problem is that the movie hinges on the audience relating to John Travolta and Miley Cyrus. I'm not saying they can't be entertaining, but when was the last time John Travolta conveyed anything honest? Correct answer: never, he has never given a performance that showed honest human emotions. This means he can't play a dog. Dog's are fundamentally incapable of dishonesty, and that's why you can't have a movie with a fake actor trying to be a dog. It sucks. And Miley Cyrus is terrible too... but you already knew that.
3/10
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