DMCP - Cars 2

New Pixar Film!!! They never mess up!!! This is gonna be....Pixar's answer to the Phantom Menace? Wha-happened?? Why did John Lasseter sucker punch me? This is a joke right? Right?!

This movie sucks, hard. I am utterly baffled at the terrible script. For a studio that prides itself on always having a compelling story, the folks at Pixar made a movie that was worse than your worst fears. The dialogue in this movie is unbearable, like, Star Wars Prequels bad. Case in point, at the end of the movie, the two British spies fly from England to Radiator Springs with an order from the Queen to bring back Mater for another mission. Mater says something stupid like,
"Gee, thanks fellers, but my home is here in Radiator Springs." To which they reply, "Oh, I understand." AND THAT'S IT!!!! THE FLIPPING QUEEN SENT TWO TOP OPERATIVES TO COLLECT SOMEONE FOR A MISSION AND A "NAH, I'M GOOD." IS ALL IT TAKES TO ABORT THE MISSION!! SERIOUSLY?! Nothing holds any weight, major developments are just shrugged off, and Pixar seems to just assume we care rather than put any effort into making us care.

There are no characters in this movie, just vague shadows of the ones from the original Cars (which I love, by the way). The biggest problem with this movie is that John Lasseter assumes our sympathy for Mater instead of earning it. When your main character is a rude, selfish dolt with no concern for the feelings of others, it's impossible to feel bad when Lightning McQueen gets fed up with him. I had a friend who was similar to Mater growing up. He was loud, sometimes obnoxious,and often spoke before thinking. But you know what? He also knew when to cool it. He may say something embarrassing in public, but never humiliating. He could be himself AND acknowledge the feelings of his friends. He could rein himself in enough to respect his friends. The point is there is a line between being true to yourself, and being true to yourselfish (to turn a phrase from Peer Gynt) The problem with Mater in this movie is he lacks an ability to see what he's doing to his friends. If Mater cares about Lighting McQueen, then Lighting shouldn't have to scream at him to get his attention. Mater is a bad friend, which makes his words meaningless. If the central relationship rings false, the movie has no emotional core, and everything is a waste of time.

Fortunately, there's a nifty spy movie to keep this movie partly watchable. Michael Cain's Finn McMissile is the coolest car James Bond never drove. When the movie is in action mode, Pixar has some pretty cool tricks up its sleeve and the world building animation is stunning. In the end though, this moving is a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing.

Movie - 2/10
Animation - 9/10