Boy Disney is really making the project a chore. Today we have three films, from 3 different eras, and all of them are pretty bad. So Let's go Chronologically.
The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad - I'd always been curious to see The Wind in the Willows featuring Mr. Toad. I'd heard all about Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and was under the impression that this was some sort of hidden Disney gem. Nope. For anyone who thinks children's stories only recently devolved into loud noises, action and no plot, I give you this piece of spastic storytelling. Mr. Toad is a lunatic and the whole thing is a sloppy nonsensical mess. The fight against the weasels is looney toons style slapstick without the fun. The legend of Sleepy Hallow fares better. It's always nice to hear Bing Crosby Narrate anything. But mostly this is a story about two unlikeable men fighting over a pretty rich girl with no character at all. It's more charming than Mr. Toad, but ultimately it's pretty forgettable.
3/10
The Black Cauldron - Every time someone complains about a story being Disneyfied, this is what they are talking about. Disney movies are no stranger to some pretty mature themes and they do go to some dark places. This one doesn't. Even with a Villain getting the Raiders of the Lost Ark death, it has no impact because there is zero character development. I think this could be the worst of all the main Disney movies because it smacks of being directed by an executive rather than an artist. The Source material is a complex world reminiscent of Tolkien, with flourishes of Welsh fables, and the movie is handled with all the care and skill of a bad episode of the Care Bears. In the movie, The Gandalf character is reduced to a silly old grandfather, and one one the major characters is eliminated. Imagine Lord of the Rings without Aragorn, or Star Wars without Han Solo. Would you want to watch anything with just Frodo or Luke showcasing their immaturity and incompetence to the world? No you wouldn't. Now imagine they've taken out Han Solo and leave you Jar Jar Binks. The Characters initiate a 'who's most useless?' contest and somehow defeat the Villain. And guess what, If your heroes are really, really lame, it makes the villain look worse, because he's look like Skeletor with antlers who can't stop a moron, a ditzy blonde, an eccentric octogenarian, and Fluffy Jar Jar from walking right into his fortress and messing everything up. There is nothing positive I can say about this turd sandwich.
-1/10
A Bug's Life - Ahhh, sweet relief, a Pixar film! They never make bad movies, right? WRONG! I didn't like it when it came out, and I like it even less now. It's by far my least favorite Pixar film because, with all the action sequences, the movie is boring. It starts with a really unlikeable protagonist. I'm shocked that the colony didn't just rise up and slay him. If your main character is a comically dangerous inventor, either his inventions need to be a) fun or b) not invite genocide. When our clumsy/overeager hero causes the disaster that sets the plot in motion, usually it's something more fun than knocking over the bribe you spent all summer gathering to prevent mass murder at the hands or a gang of murderous grasshoppers. There's a massive disconnect of tone. Kevin Spacey's hopper is in The Magnificent Seven, and Flik is in Three Amigos. Because of this, I found it very hard to root for Flik and his gang of crazy circus bugs. Don't get me wrong, the circus bugs are the best part of the film, but I don't want to waste time with screw-ups when there is an very real and terrifying threat. Flik's treated as an nuisance when he's demonstrated time and again that he's a threat to the survival of the colony. In that light, he's not a misunderstood outcast, he's a dangerous lunatic. Maybe I could go along with it if the underlying tone of the movie wasn't so grim, but when you're villain is eaten alive screaming for his life, it's not easy to be upbeat. That said, the worst effort of Pixar is still better than 90% of animated family films.
6/10
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
D.M.C.P. - The Aristocats, Treasure Planet, Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Triple play of duds this week. Let's get this over with,
The Aristocats - This is the 1st movie produced totally after Walt Disney's death (he died during Jungle Book) and it looks like they went out of their way to prove he was the heart and soul of the company. This movie has no heart, no plot, and almost no characters. Rich cats being kidnapped and slowly walking home with no real danger along the way does not make for a thrilling movie. In fact, I'd rather watch paint dry. The kittens have a few cute moments, but that's it. It feels like I put more effort into this paragraph than they did in the whole story.
2/10
Treasure Planet - This is actually a pretty cool adaptation of Treasure Island done all steam-punky and sci-fi. There is a ton of impressive animation in the artwork and design of this movie, and the characters are pretty well defined. Joseph Gordon Levitt does a nice job as Jim Hawkins, and David Hyde Pierce is his usual charmingly neurotic self. Emma Thompson does a great job as the space captain. Unfortunately, right when the movie is revving up for the 3rd act, you are subjected to Martin Short as a marooned robot. Think C-3PO meets Jar Jar Binks and you'll have an idea of how truly awful he is. It's almost a total movie killer. Fortunately the adventure is engrossing enough that you can sort of grit your teeth and get through it. The Heart of this movie is really with Long John Silver, as any decent adaptation should be. Here he looks like Jabba the Hutt, a borg, and your grandfather had a baby. The end result is a very unsettling looking dude, who is also quite charming. Despite his terrifying cyborg arm and eye, the animators and Actor Brian Murray give him enough weakness that you can't help but feel for the guy. Regardless of his high-tech prosthesis, he is a crippled and lonely man, desperate to find the treasure that will bring meaning to his life of piracy. It's not a glamorous portrayal, and his evil side certainly comes out, but in the end, his new found friendship with Jim wins out. It's a softer take on the character, but I think it's much more fascinating than a truly evil Silver would have been. He's like a much older Jack Sparrow in many ways. But still, Martin Short is in this movie, and the film suffers most when it goes for a slapstick humor that feels forced.
6.5/10
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
This movie could almost be called "Treasure Planet, Version 1.0" You have a protagonist who doesn't fit in and dreams of making a great discovery, an academic acquaintance funds his expedition and unwittingly hires the bad guys as part of the crew, then all the excess characters are unceremoniously killed off, and no one gets the full treasure. The problem with Atlantis is, there is no emotional core to this movie. Milo, played by Michael J. Fox, is way too boring to ultimately care about. He's basically James Spader's character from Stargate, all wide-eyed gee-whiz genius and no life experience. Unfortunately, there's no Kurt Russel here to bring a sense of reality. Leonard Nimoy is woefully underused, and James Garner is Stephan Lang from Avatar without the knife-wielding battle mech. For all the flashy animation, this movie is quite hallow and ultimately dull. On a truly Nerdy note, the young female mechanic in the movie reminded me an awful lot of Kaylee from Firefly. Guess why? Joss Whedon is listed as one of the screen writers for this movie! It's basically a prototype for the character Kaylee would become. And that's the best thing about this movie. That it probably helped inspire something much, much better. Also, James Garner turns into a Crystal Monster and is shredded by a propeller, so that's kinda neat.
4/10
On a side note, although I've certainly had my share of disappointments with this project, Disney studios never have anything less that brilliant animation. Even when the stories are bad, they're all at least lovely to look at.
The Aristocats - This is the 1st movie produced totally after Walt Disney's death (he died during Jungle Book) and it looks like they went out of their way to prove he was the heart and soul of the company. This movie has no heart, no plot, and almost no characters. Rich cats being kidnapped and slowly walking home with no real danger along the way does not make for a thrilling movie. In fact, I'd rather watch paint dry. The kittens have a few cute moments, but that's it. It feels like I put more effort into this paragraph than they did in the whole story.
2/10
Treasure Planet - This is actually a pretty cool adaptation of Treasure Island done all steam-punky and sci-fi. There is a ton of impressive animation in the artwork and design of this movie, and the characters are pretty well defined. Joseph Gordon Levitt does a nice job as Jim Hawkins, and David Hyde Pierce is his usual charmingly neurotic self. Emma Thompson does a great job as the space captain. Unfortunately, right when the movie is revving up for the 3rd act, you are subjected to Martin Short as a marooned robot. Think C-3PO meets Jar Jar Binks and you'll have an idea of how truly awful he is. It's almost a total movie killer. Fortunately the adventure is engrossing enough that you can sort of grit your teeth and get through it. The Heart of this movie is really with Long John Silver, as any decent adaptation should be. Here he looks like Jabba the Hutt, a borg, and your grandfather had a baby. The end result is a very unsettling looking dude, who is also quite charming. Despite his terrifying cyborg arm and eye, the animators and Actor Brian Murray give him enough weakness that you can't help but feel for the guy. Regardless of his high-tech prosthesis, he is a crippled and lonely man, desperate to find the treasure that will bring meaning to his life of piracy. It's not a glamorous portrayal, and his evil side certainly comes out, but in the end, his new found friendship with Jim wins out. It's a softer take on the character, but I think it's much more fascinating than a truly evil Silver would have been. He's like a much older Jack Sparrow in many ways. But still, Martin Short is in this movie, and the film suffers most when it goes for a slapstick humor that feels forced.
6.5/10
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
This movie could almost be called "Treasure Planet, Version 1.0" You have a protagonist who doesn't fit in and dreams of making a great discovery, an academic acquaintance funds his expedition and unwittingly hires the bad guys as part of the crew, then all the excess characters are unceremoniously killed off, and no one gets the full treasure. The problem with Atlantis is, there is no emotional core to this movie. Milo, played by Michael J. Fox, is way too boring to ultimately care about. He's basically James Spader's character from Stargate, all wide-eyed gee-whiz genius and no life experience. Unfortunately, there's no Kurt Russel here to bring a sense of reality. Leonard Nimoy is woefully underused, and James Garner is Stephan Lang from Avatar without the knife-wielding battle mech. For all the flashy animation, this movie is quite hallow and ultimately dull. On a truly Nerdy note, the young female mechanic in the movie reminded me an awful lot of Kaylee from Firefly. Guess why? Joss Whedon is listed as one of the screen writers for this movie! It's basically a prototype for the character Kaylee would become. And that's the best thing about this movie. That it probably helped inspire something much, much better. Also, James Garner turns into a Crystal Monster and is shredded by a propeller, so that's kinda neat.
4/10
On a side note, although I've certainly had my share of disappointments with this project, Disney studios never have anything less that brilliant animation. Even when the stories are bad, they're all at least lovely to look at.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Disney Movie Completion Project Part 1
So I'm back from Disney World, and that stinks, so I'm coping by finishing what I started with the countdown; I'm going to watch all 50 Disney Animated features, plus Pixar. There's little rhyme or reason to the order, so you'll just have wait to find out what's next. Today I'm covering The Three Cabelleros, Saludos Amigos, Hercules, and Tarzan.
Three Cabelleros and Saludos Amigos - These are basically travel films about Mexico and South America. There are a few good moments, but mostly these are an relic of the 1940s, something to keep Disney in production while most of his staff fought in WWII.
Cabelleros - 3/10
Amigos - 2/10
Hercules - What a hot mess. This movie is all over the place and has a hard time disneyfying Greek myth for a Judeo-Christian audience. Music is the highlight of the movie, as is James Woods as Hades. Meg is the emotional center of the film which is a shame, since she's a supporting character. Mediocre is the order of the day here. Oh Well.
5.5/10
Tarzan - So this movie came out right after Mulan, which, you may remember I wouldn't watch when it came out because of my hatred of Donny Osmond. I also recall being rather offended my the existence of Phil Collins. I was a high school freshmen, and highly unappreciative that he's one of the greatest percussionists in the history of rock and roll and the ideal artist for a jungle adventure. Anyway, this movie rocks. There action set pieces are thrilling, and there's danger everywhere. It's basically a more dramatic and serious version of Jungle Book, with more tragic consequences. This movie also features quite a brutal death for the villian. If you haven't seen this one in a while, check it out!
8/10
Three Cabelleros and Saludos Amigos - These are basically travel films about Mexico and South America. There are a few good moments, but mostly these are an relic of the 1940s, something to keep Disney in production while most of his staff fought in WWII.
Cabelleros - 3/10
Amigos - 2/10
Hercules - What a hot mess. This movie is all over the place and has a hard time disneyfying Greek myth for a Judeo-Christian audience. Music is the highlight of the movie, as is James Woods as Hades. Meg is the emotional center of the film which is a shame, since she's a supporting character. Mediocre is the order of the day here. Oh Well.
5.5/10
Tarzan - So this movie came out right after Mulan, which, you may remember I wouldn't watch when it came out because of my hatred of Donny Osmond. I also recall being rather offended my the existence of Phil Collins. I was a high school freshmen, and highly unappreciative that he's one of the greatest percussionists in the history of rock and roll and the ideal artist for a jungle adventure. Anyway, this movie rocks. There action set pieces are thrilling, and there's danger everywhere. It's basically a more dramatic and serious version of Jungle Book, with more tragic consequences. This movie also features quite a brutal death for the villian. If you haven't seen this one in a while, check it out!
8/10
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