Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs
It's hard to beat a really good YA fiction book. The best ones balance adventure and danger without losing a youthful sense of wonder. This is a really good book. Like many books in the genre, it involves a young, normal teenager who's life gets turned upside down when he discovers an amazing secret. Unlike any book I have read before, the story was inspired and built around a series of remarkable vintage photographs. Ransom Riggs has collected them over the years and used them to build his story about a home for refugee children. The photos are facinating, and build a wonderful sense or eerieness to the book. I also really enjoyed the background of our protagonist, Jacob Portman. Unlike typical YA main characters, Jacob comes from a family that cares for him, and is very well off. He is not abused or neglected. In fact, the main cause of contention revolves around his elderly grandfather, a surviver of the holocaust who tells strange tales of the refugee home he stayed in during WWII. Jacob's grandfather is suffering from dementia and paranoia. It's a common problem, that affects many people, and gives us a very realistic point of entry to this tale. The book is clearly the beginning of a series, ending on a cliffhanger of sorts, and I look forward to the further adventures of Jacob and his new found friends.
8/10
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
DMCP # 55 - Pocahontas
This is a difficult movie to talk about because the historical realities weigh so heavily on the story being told. I expected to spend the whole movie shouting at Pocahontas to let her dad kill all the white guys. What I was surprised at, was the rather intricate themes and plotting that was mixed in with some troubling representations of race. The movie, while full of flaws, does give us a very adult story for a Disney movie. First, the movie doesn't shy away from racism. Slurs, although of a family friendly nature, are thrown around casually by both sides. The movie is a parable about fear and distrust, so both sides are commiting sins of ignorance and hate. As an isolated story, it works. It's a plee for understanding and dialog over violence. I also apreciated that Jon Smith does not play the white savior role. He comes to understand and support peace, but he never leads the Native Americans against the white people and becomes the best native american ever, (ahem, Kevin Costner, Tom Cruise, guy from Avatar).
The songs are written by the same team that would go on to write Wicked, so they're naturally ridiculously catchy. In true Disney fashion, the sidekick characters provide some wonderful silly comedy. It turns out the raccoons and dogs make ideal adversaries.
Ultimately, the movie is somewhat crushed under the wieght of history. It's hard to forget that what you are watching is the beginning of a continent-wide genocide. The spectre of death stiffles the jokes, and puts a damper on all of John Smith and Pocahontas' talk of adventure and destiny. Her actions only postpone a war, not prevent it. It's a valiant effort by Disney. They do their best to create a family friendly parable about racism and fear of the unknown, but in this case, the characters doing the right and honorable thing only delays the enevitable. It's very hard to enjoy a movie that forshadows the American Holocaust, no matter how catchy the songs are.
6/10
The songs are written by the same team that would go on to write Wicked, so they're naturally ridiculously catchy. In true Disney fashion, the sidekick characters provide some wonderful silly comedy. It turns out the raccoons and dogs make ideal adversaries.
Ultimately, the movie is somewhat crushed under the wieght of history. It's hard to forget that what you are watching is the beginning of a continent-wide genocide. The spectre of death stiffles the jokes, and puts a damper on all of John Smith and Pocahontas' talk of adventure and destiny. Her actions only postpone a war, not prevent it. It's a valiant effort by Disney. They do their best to create a family friendly parable about racism and fear of the unknown, but in this case, the characters doing the right and honorable thing only delays the enevitable. It's very hard to enjoy a movie that forshadows the American Holocaust, no matter how catchy the songs are.
6/10
Friday, February 15, 2013
100 by 30 book 4
Hello Kitty Must Die by Angela S. Choi
Soooooo, this book is interesting. It's about a Chinese American Lawyer in San Francisco. She gets paid $275/hr but still lives with her parents who make her go on dates with gross man boys. Any boy will do, as long as he's Chinese. She hates feeling like a "hello kitty" A submissive Asian woman who won't stand up for herself. Luckily, her best friend from Catholic school happens to be a very successful hymen restoration surgeon/sociopath. Things get dark fast and stay there. Except our narrator is so darkly sarcastic and apathetic that we never really feel the weight of anything that happens. Horrifying things happen with such a casual attitude that you never feel any sense of danger. It's a quick read, and more entertaining than not, but I can't say I got anything more out of this than an insight into what it might be like to have to go on oppressive blind dates with lame, useless mama's boys. Which, being a heterosexual married male with a job, isn't very helpful.
6/10
Soooooo, this book is interesting. It's about a Chinese American Lawyer in San Francisco. She gets paid $275/hr but still lives with her parents who make her go on dates with gross man boys. Any boy will do, as long as he's Chinese. She hates feeling like a "hello kitty" A submissive Asian woman who won't stand up for herself. Luckily, her best friend from Catholic school happens to be a very successful hymen restoration surgeon/sociopath. Things get dark fast and stay there. Except our narrator is so darkly sarcastic and apathetic that we never really feel the weight of anything that happens. Horrifying things happen with such a casual attitude that you never feel any sense of danger. It's a quick read, and more entertaining than not, but I can't say I got anything more out of this than an insight into what it might be like to have to go on oppressive blind dates with lame, useless mama's boys. Which, being a heterosexual married male with a job, isn't very helpful.
6/10
Sunday, February 3, 2013
100 by 30 - Book 3
Bossypants By Tina Fey
It's clear right from the beginning, Tina Fey's biggest strength is her ability to write. Holy cow, is this a great book. Having read a few other memoirs from some of my favorite comedians, Tina Fey is the first one to write a book that my be even funnier than she is. I was constantly laughing out loud, and the book captures her voice so well that I often felt like I wasn't reading it so much as she was telling it to me. She finds a great balance between letting us see glimpses of her personal life without giving up her privacy. She's willing to point our her flaws, but writes it in such a was that you forget that she just told you about the time she was a huge jerk to someone. She's self-depricating, but is self aware enough to know that many people find her to be quite beautiful. It's a book written from someone who grew up an awkward nerdy child (she supplies the photos to prove it) who is trying to reconcile her popularity with the lingering feelings of not being good enough. And you can tell that she hates false modesty, she's very careful to discuss her fears and flaws without ever asking us to go, "oh, Tina, it's ok. WE Love you! She doesn't need our validation. Oh, and it also contains some amazing insights into feminism and women in comedy. You get a sense that when she does mess up, it's usually not from a place of negativity, but in trying fight for something she believes in: like a sketch about vintage maxi pads.
Read this book.
It's clear right from the beginning, Tina Fey's biggest strength is her ability to write. Holy cow, is this a great book. Having read a few other memoirs from some of my favorite comedians, Tina Fey is the first one to write a book that my be even funnier than she is. I was constantly laughing out loud, and the book captures her voice so well that I often felt like I wasn't reading it so much as she was telling it to me. She finds a great balance between letting us see glimpses of her personal life without giving up her privacy. She's willing to point our her flaws, but writes it in such a was that you forget that she just told you about the time she was a huge jerk to someone. She's self-depricating, but is self aware enough to know that many people find her to be quite beautiful. It's a book written from someone who grew up an awkward nerdy child (she supplies the photos to prove it) who is trying to reconcile her popularity with the lingering feelings of not being good enough. And you can tell that she hates false modesty, she's very careful to discuss her fears and flaws without ever asking us to go, "oh, Tina, it's ok. WE Love you! She doesn't need our validation. Oh, and it also contains some amazing insights into feminism and women in comedy. You get a sense that when she does mess up, it's usually not from a place of negativity, but in trying fight for something she believes in: like a sketch about vintage maxi pads.
Read this book.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
100 by 30 - Book 2
Book #2
Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore
This is Christopher Moore's first vampire love story book. But it's also a Christopher Moore book, so we get to learn those things you've always wondered about vampires: do they go to the bathroom? Can they read Kerouac in the dark? And what happens when your vampire girlfriend is growing distant and the cute new girl at the Safeway wants to take you out for a cup of coffee? Can you just slip a vampire in the freezer for a day so you can figure things out? We also get to spend time with one of my favorite Moore recurring characters: a homeless man who is known as the Emperor of San Francisco, and his loyal dogs, Bummer and Lazarus. The Plot? C. Thomas Flood has moved to SF from Incontinence, Indiana to become a writer. He instead finds a night time job at the Safeway, where he meets Jody. She's just been turned into a Vampire; it's kind of a big change in her life. Also, there's the problem of the vampire who made her trying to frame her for murder. It's a very silly, if uneven book. It's clearly one of Moore's earlier efforts. I'd recommend it if you like his other work, but if you are reading Christopher Moore for the first time, I'd recommend starting with either THE STUPIDEST ANGEL or THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO BIFF, CHRIST'S CHILDHOOD PAL.
Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore
This is Christopher Moore's first vampire love story book. But it's also a Christopher Moore book, so we get to learn those things you've always wondered about vampires: do they go to the bathroom? Can they read Kerouac in the dark? And what happens when your vampire girlfriend is growing distant and the cute new girl at the Safeway wants to take you out for a cup of coffee? Can you just slip a vampire in the freezer for a day so you can figure things out? We also get to spend time with one of my favorite Moore recurring characters: a homeless man who is known as the Emperor of San Francisco, and his loyal dogs, Bummer and Lazarus. The Plot? C. Thomas Flood has moved to SF from Incontinence, Indiana to become a writer. He instead finds a night time job at the Safeway, where he meets Jody. She's just been turned into a Vampire; it's kind of a big change in her life. Also, there's the problem of the vampire who made her trying to frame her for murder. It's a very silly, if uneven book. It's clearly one of Moore's earlier efforts. I'd recommend it if you like his other work, but if you are reading Christopher Moore for the first time, I'd recommend starting with either THE STUPIDEST ANGEL or THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO BIFF, CHRIST'S CHILDHOOD PAL.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
100 books before I'm 30- the beginning
So my wife said to me the other day,"I want to try to read 100 books before I turn 30." I thought, "that sounds like fun!" (writer pauses here to watch his dog be extremely silly. That was adorable!) So I decided to join in on the fun. Now, by request (and since I have a fancy new ergonomic keyboard o try out)I will be reporting on my quest. But first, the ground rules.
1. Read 100 books before my 30 birthday (Sept. 2014 for me, August for my wife. I get a few extra weeks, but in my defense, I read much slower than she does.)
2. Must read the whole book, so no scanning cookbooks or craft manuals
3. If you want to read a children's book, you must read 10 picture books for it to count as one whole book. (only 5 if you actually read it to a child) teen or young adult novels are ok.
4. For graphic novels, you must read three for it to count as 1 book.
5. No Magazines, work assignments, or home work
And have fun!
So, on to book Number 1.
#1 Mass Effect: Revelation by Drew Karpyshyn
So this was a book I'd just gotten from the library when this whole thing started. It's not very good. I borrowed it because the Mass Effect game series contains some of the best Sci-Fi world-building and storytelling I have ever experienced. It's way cooler than Star Wars, so I was curious to see if the lead writer for the games could translate his world to the novel format. He couldn't. It reads like someone trying to include the mechanics of a video game in his story telling. I don't need game tactics advice if I'm reading a book. They're two different mediums. The story itself is a mildly interesting setup for the first game and introduces the origins of some tangential characters you'll meet later on. They run around the galaxy, they fight, stuff blows up, it ends. Don't waste you time.
Unofficially, I also finished rereading The Hobbit today. It doesn't count because I was already 3/4 of the way through the book when we started, but if I could have counted it, I would have. If you haven't read it in a while, or if you've only seen the old cartoon, you really should read it. There is so much to this book that I didn't remember, and so much that is alluded to that I want to know more about. I realized while reading it, that there is easily 3 movies worth of action happening in this story. So much happens in this book in such a short time, that I'm excited to see these moments get the time they deserve on screen. Most people think of the story ending after Smaug is killed. In many stories, the death of the dragon is the climax of the story. In the book, Smaug is dispatched in a short side-chapter and his death merely serves as the inciting incident that leads to the battle of the 5 armies. In fact, the power struggle and coruption that results when the dragon is defeated serves to gather the forces needed to save the whole north of Middle Earth from being destroyed (provded they don't kill each other first). The book starts has a delightful children's book, but by the time we reach the lonely mountain, the tone hass shifted to become a very adult story that fits in with the rest of the stories of Middle Earth. So Ignore that book above, and read The Hobbit instead.
1. Read 100 books before my 30 birthday (Sept. 2014 for me, August for my wife. I get a few extra weeks, but in my defense, I read much slower than she does.)
2. Must read the whole book, so no scanning cookbooks or craft manuals
3. If you want to read a children's book, you must read 10 picture books for it to count as one whole book. (only 5 if you actually read it to a child) teen or young adult novels are ok.
4. For graphic novels, you must read three for it to count as 1 book.
5. No Magazines, work assignments, or home work
And have fun!
So, on to book Number 1.
#1 Mass Effect: Revelation by Drew Karpyshyn
So this was a book I'd just gotten from the library when this whole thing started. It's not very good. I borrowed it because the Mass Effect game series contains some of the best Sci-Fi world-building and storytelling I have ever experienced. It's way cooler than Star Wars, so I was curious to see if the lead writer for the games could translate his world to the novel format. He couldn't. It reads like someone trying to include the mechanics of a video game in his story telling. I don't need game tactics advice if I'm reading a book. They're two different mediums. The story itself is a mildly interesting setup for the first game and introduces the origins of some tangential characters you'll meet later on. They run around the galaxy, they fight, stuff blows up, it ends. Don't waste you time.
Unofficially, I also finished rereading The Hobbit today. It doesn't count because I was already 3/4 of the way through the book when we started, but if I could have counted it, I would have. If you haven't read it in a while, or if you've only seen the old cartoon, you really should read it. There is so much to this book that I didn't remember, and so much that is alluded to that I want to know more about. I realized while reading it, that there is easily 3 movies worth of action happening in this story. So much happens in this book in such a short time, that I'm excited to see these moments get the time they deserve on screen. Most people think of the story ending after Smaug is killed. In many stories, the death of the dragon is the climax of the story. In the book, Smaug is dispatched in a short side-chapter and his death merely serves as the inciting incident that leads to the battle of the 5 armies. In fact, the power struggle and coruption that results when the dragon is defeated serves to gather the forces needed to save the whole north of Middle Earth from being destroyed (provded they don't kill each other first). The book starts has a delightful children's book, but by the time we reach the lonely mountain, the tone hass shifted to become a very adult story that fits in with the rest of the stories of Middle Earth. So Ignore that book above, and read The Hobbit instead.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Guns
One week ago, this nation experienced its 31st school shooting since Columbine. This time, the victims were mostly children under the age of ten. They were murdered in cold blood with an assault rifle and hand guns. Doctors and corroners could not acurately state how many times some of these children were shot. Children, at school, were shot too many times to count.
Today, the head of the national rifle association blamed movies and video games for the shooting, and called for armed police officers in EVERY school in America. I have to pause here, that last sentence is making me shake with rage....
Ok, I'm back. So Wayne LePierre thinks, "the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is with a good guy with a gun." Well, ignoring that little bit of John Wayne nonsense, let's look at the amendment that gives us the right to have more guns than we can shake a stick at.
II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Ok, we need a well-regulated militia to protect the security of our free state. Well, surely this is in addition to the permanent standing army we've always had-
Section 8 (Powers of Congress) of the United States Constitution:
To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than TWO Years;
WHAT?! did I read that right? the US Constitution calls for a 2 year limit on having a free standing army. Armies, which used to be made up by calling up the state militias to form an army to defend our homeland. So, at the time the 2nd Amendment was made, we wanted to make sure that we would always have highly trained men who could be called upon to form an army in times of war. That makes sense, it's hard to defend yourself when the militias don't have guns to practice with. It also ensures that our military is always made up of volunteer citizens. If the very people who form the army love their country, and are made up of its people and not a privatized mercenery force, we will know that the army cannot be easily turned against its own citizens.
Let me slow that last bit down. One of the things I hear (and have agreed with until I grew a brain and tought about is for 5 minutes) is that we need our guns in case the goverment gets corrupted to the point that a military response is necessary to overthrough a tyrant. Now let's think about this: In the event of our country being taken over by an actual tyrant and not a freely elected leader who won the election according to our laws, (I'm talking to you Bush and Obama haters now. You may think they are evil bastards, but they both got elected fair and square.) you are asking me to believe that A) the extraordinary men and women who make up our military will freely turn against us without a second thought, and B) my best bet to take the country back is by following a bunch of weekend warriors with no real leadership stucture or coordination between units?!
Isn't that sort of the plot of Red Dawn? Wait you're right, in Red Dawn the military gets wiped out. And that's easy to do because we only have like one base in the whole world, and it's totally not locked or guarded or anything. Man! If only we had an intricate series of military installations placed all over the globe, allowing us to respond with deadly force within hours of any attack!! And it would be great if the people manning these bases were our own friends and relatives! Wait, they totally are!!
Whew! I was worried, you know, I guess I do feel safe knowing we have an army ready, willing and able to defend us. You know, I don't think I need barely trained citizens with a hero complex to have access to any weapons they want whenever they want. Such an arrangement would leave open the posibility that even dumber and more evil people would get a hold of them and murder children.
But how do we defend ourselves from bad guys on the streets? Here's where I see Wayne's point about violence in Movies and games, but not the way he thinks. I don't believe that watching an action movie makes you a violent person. I do think that watching too much violence in your entertainment can give you a warped sense of how the world works. For example, if the only images I ever see of a certain color of person are as violent psychos with a death wish, I may become wary of them. If, when I'm watching movies or playing a game, and the only bad guys I see rush at me guns blazing with no regard for their own safety, it's possible I might start to think that criminals are one demensional lunatics who exist only to kill and be killed and that they have no other motivations in life. So now I would live in a world where I think the only goal of all criminals is to murder me. I might get scared and want a gun to defend myself. And I need a gun now! I shoudn't have to have a waiting period! my family could be dead right now because you didn't give me a gun instantly!
I still don't think there is anything wrong with movies or video games, but I would advize a little moderation. Maybe don't only watch gritty action movies, and play gritty military shooters. Maybe watch a comedy once in a while, or play a silly game like plants vs. zombies. If you only watch one thing, then I think there might be cause for concern, but if you practice a little restraint once in a while or switch it up, I think you'll be just fine. I know I've killed a lot of zombies and alien hordes in my day, and last time I checked, I haven't viciously murded any children. And seeing the billions and billions of dollars spent on games and movies, I'd guess that's the case for 99.99% of humanity. Which leaves 0.01% of people who are murderous psychos. I find it laughable that media moves that number much. It's really hard to kill someone with a DVD. You still need access to a gun.
Switching gears for a minute, I wanted to share a quick story.
I was in Colorado a few years ago, and I went with a co-worker to his house to get some guns and go out to a shooting range. When his father realized I don't own any guns, he honestly asked me, "how do you defend yourself?" I thought, "defend myself from what? This is America! Millions of brave souls gave their lives so I wouldn't have to walk down the street with a gun, fearing for my life!" I don't understand how you can claim to live in a free society when you think a small arsenal is a requirement. That's insane.
Incidently, I did have a fabulous time at the shooting range. I get the appeal of shooting a real gun. It does make you feel powerful. But that power is an illusion, and a sickness. You don't control that power, it controls you. It has too. If you don't spend every second making sure the gun is safe, it can turn on you. I just read a story about a man who took is little boy with him to the gun store to sell some old guns. The store wouldn't buy them, so He brought them back out. The rifle went in the back of the truck, and he went to put the hand gun in the glove compartment when it discharged. He'd left a bullet in the chamber and now his son was dead. His son. Dead. Not by some mass-shooter, not by a violent criminal. By his loving father. This story broke my heart. From what I read, he sounded like a great dad, who loved his son, who wanted to share a love and respect for firearms with him. I can't imagine the anguish he feels, and I can't believe he wouldn't trade every gun he ever owned to get his boy back.
We don't need handguns, or military assault rifles in our society. Their continued existence and endless proliferation haven't made us any safer. For you hunters out there, keep your guns. I think it's great that we have a country large enough that we can still go out into the wilderness and hunt our food. But I don't think you need to have any gun that holds more than six shots. If you can't kill your prey in six shots, you don't deserve to eat it. I feel the same way about home defense. I haven't read too many stories about roving gangs of murderers prowling the United States, and I'm willing to bet, most people who break into a house, would rather not die. I'd say, you should be able to scare them off with a warning shot 99.9999% of the time. If that doesn't work, you've still got 5 shots to defend your home, or accidently murder a family member coming home late. The later seems far more likely. Guns aren't a deterrent to violence, they are an instrument of it. Their reason for being is to maim and kill. They serve no other purpose and it's time to say enough is enough. Get the guns off the streets, amend the 2nd amendment. We don't need militias anymore. We've proven again and again that we cannot handle the responsibility.
Today, the head of the national rifle association blamed movies and video games for the shooting, and called for armed police officers in EVERY school in America. I have to pause here, that last sentence is making me shake with rage....
Ok, I'm back. So Wayne LePierre thinks, "the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is with a good guy with a gun." Well, ignoring that little bit of John Wayne nonsense, let's look at the amendment that gives us the right to have more guns than we can shake a stick at.
II
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Ok, we need a well-regulated militia to protect the security of our free state. Well, surely this is in addition to the permanent standing army we've always had-
Section 8 (Powers of Congress) of the United States Constitution:
To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than TWO Years;
WHAT?! did I read that right? the US Constitution calls for a 2 year limit on having a free standing army. Armies, which used to be made up by calling up the state militias to form an army to defend our homeland. So, at the time the 2nd Amendment was made, we wanted to make sure that we would always have highly trained men who could be called upon to form an army in times of war. That makes sense, it's hard to defend yourself when the militias don't have guns to practice with. It also ensures that our military is always made up of volunteer citizens. If the very people who form the army love their country, and are made up of its people and not a privatized mercenery force, we will know that the army cannot be easily turned against its own citizens.
Let me slow that last bit down. One of the things I hear (and have agreed with until I grew a brain and tought about is for 5 minutes) is that we need our guns in case the goverment gets corrupted to the point that a military response is necessary to overthrough a tyrant. Now let's think about this: In the event of our country being taken over by an actual tyrant and not a freely elected leader who won the election according to our laws, (I'm talking to you Bush and Obama haters now. You may think they are evil bastards, but they both got elected fair and square.) you are asking me to believe that A) the extraordinary men and women who make up our military will freely turn against us without a second thought, and B) my best bet to take the country back is by following a bunch of weekend warriors with no real leadership stucture or coordination between units?!
Isn't that sort of the plot of Red Dawn? Wait you're right, in Red Dawn the military gets wiped out. And that's easy to do because we only have like one base in the whole world, and it's totally not locked or guarded or anything. Man! If only we had an intricate series of military installations placed all over the globe, allowing us to respond with deadly force within hours of any attack!! And it would be great if the people manning these bases were our own friends and relatives! Wait, they totally are!!
Whew! I was worried, you know, I guess I do feel safe knowing we have an army ready, willing and able to defend us. You know, I don't think I need barely trained citizens with a hero complex to have access to any weapons they want whenever they want. Such an arrangement would leave open the posibility that even dumber and more evil people would get a hold of them and murder children.
But how do we defend ourselves from bad guys on the streets? Here's where I see Wayne's point about violence in Movies and games, but not the way he thinks. I don't believe that watching an action movie makes you a violent person. I do think that watching too much violence in your entertainment can give you a warped sense of how the world works. For example, if the only images I ever see of a certain color of person are as violent psychos with a death wish, I may become wary of them. If, when I'm watching movies or playing a game, and the only bad guys I see rush at me guns blazing with no regard for their own safety, it's possible I might start to think that criminals are one demensional lunatics who exist only to kill and be killed and that they have no other motivations in life. So now I would live in a world where I think the only goal of all criminals is to murder me. I might get scared and want a gun to defend myself. And I need a gun now! I shoudn't have to have a waiting period! my family could be dead right now because you didn't give me a gun instantly!
I still don't think there is anything wrong with movies or video games, but I would advize a little moderation. Maybe don't only watch gritty action movies, and play gritty military shooters. Maybe watch a comedy once in a while, or play a silly game like plants vs. zombies. If you only watch one thing, then I think there might be cause for concern, but if you practice a little restraint once in a while or switch it up, I think you'll be just fine. I know I've killed a lot of zombies and alien hordes in my day, and last time I checked, I haven't viciously murded any children. And seeing the billions and billions of dollars spent on games and movies, I'd guess that's the case for 99.99% of humanity. Which leaves 0.01% of people who are murderous psychos. I find it laughable that media moves that number much. It's really hard to kill someone with a DVD. You still need access to a gun.
Switching gears for a minute, I wanted to share a quick story.
I was in Colorado a few years ago, and I went with a co-worker to his house to get some guns and go out to a shooting range. When his father realized I don't own any guns, he honestly asked me, "how do you defend yourself?" I thought, "defend myself from what? This is America! Millions of brave souls gave their lives so I wouldn't have to walk down the street with a gun, fearing for my life!" I don't understand how you can claim to live in a free society when you think a small arsenal is a requirement. That's insane.
Incidently, I did have a fabulous time at the shooting range. I get the appeal of shooting a real gun. It does make you feel powerful. But that power is an illusion, and a sickness. You don't control that power, it controls you. It has too. If you don't spend every second making sure the gun is safe, it can turn on you. I just read a story about a man who took is little boy with him to the gun store to sell some old guns. The store wouldn't buy them, so He brought them back out. The rifle went in the back of the truck, and he went to put the hand gun in the glove compartment when it discharged. He'd left a bullet in the chamber and now his son was dead. His son. Dead. Not by some mass-shooter, not by a violent criminal. By his loving father. This story broke my heart. From what I read, he sounded like a great dad, who loved his son, who wanted to share a love and respect for firearms with him. I can't imagine the anguish he feels, and I can't believe he wouldn't trade every gun he ever owned to get his boy back.
We don't need handguns, or military assault rifles in our society. Their continued existence and endless proliferation haven't made us any safer. For you hunters out there, keep your guns. I think it's great that we have a country large enough that we can still go out into the wilderness and hunt our food. But I don't think you need to have any gun that holds more than six shots. If you can't kill your prey in six shots, you don't deserve to eat it. I feel the same way about home defense. I haven't read too many stories about roving gangs of murderers prowling the United States, and I'm willing to bet, most people who break into a house, would rather not die. I'd say, you should be able to scare them off with a warning shot 99.9999% of the time. If that doesn't work, you've still got 5 shots to defend your home, or accidently murder a family member coming home late. The later seems far more likely. Guns aren't a deterrent to violence, they are an instrument of it. Their reason for being is to maim and kill. They serve no other purpose and it's time to say enough is enough. Get the guns off the streets, amend the 2nd amendment. We don't need militias anymore. We've proven again and again that we cannot handle the responsibility.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
DMCP #53 & 54 - Emperor's New Groove, and Home on the Range
Double dose today my friends, up First, THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE.
I really like Emperor's New Groove.
It's not much of a movie by Disney standards, but it's filled with siliness and is a fun little ride. David Spade, John Goodman, and Eartha Kitt are all having a good time, but Partrick Warburton steals the movie as Kronk. In Fact, the whole movie takes it's cue from him. While the stakes are technically life and death, you never for an instant think anyone will come to any harm. They characters seem acutely aware that they are in a cartoon and aren't in any real danger. My favorite example of this is during the final fight scene when we get this gem of dialogue, "Hey, uh, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?" This is pure light-weight entertainment, in a nice way, like a good bag of chips.
7/10
HOME ON THE RANGE
This is the worst movie I have ever seen, and I've seen DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS PEOPLE. It's 75 minutes of pure torture. I just rewatched the Lord of the Rings trilogy, extended edition, and this felt twice as long. I take back every nice thing I ever said about Cuba Gooding Jr. He deserves to be in Daddy Day Camp. This movie is so bad I started to actively hate Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench!!!
To spare those of you who haven't endured this rancid turd, it's about three cows trying to save their farm from foreclosure by collecting the bounty on a cattle thief, and cattle thief who steals cattle by, I shit you not, Yodeling. THE BAD GUY'S SECRET WEAPON IS YODELING!!!! Who authorized this!? Oh, and Cuba Gooding Jr plays a horse who, I guess is supposed to be a comedic character a la Donkey in Shrek, but is actually a third rate Chris Tucker. This movie is offensively substandard, far worse than any of Disney's straight to DVD sequels. I cannot find the words to express just how badly I want to scrub the inside of my brain with a toothbrush until the memory is gone. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
No Score, I don't know numbers small enough.
I really like Emperor's New Groove.
It's not much of a movie by Disney standards, but it's filled with siliness and is a fun little ride. David Spade, John Goodman, and Eartha Kitt are all having a good time, but Partrick Warburton steals the movie as Kronk. In Fact, the whole movie takes it's cue from him. While the stakes are technically life and death, you never for an instant think anyone will come to any harm. They characters seem acutely aware that they are in a cartoon and aren't in any real danger. My favorite example of this is during the final fight scene when we get this gem of dialogue, "Hey, uh, I've been turned into a cow. Can I go home?" This is pure light-weight entertainment, in a nice way, like a good bag of chips.
7/10
HOME ON THE RANGE
This is the worst movie I have ever seen, and I've seen DEATH BED: THE BED THAT EATS PEOPLE. It's 75 minutes of pure torture. I just rewatched the Lord of the Rings trilogy, extended edition, and this felt twice as long. I take back every nice thing I ever said about Cuba Gooding Jr. He deserves to be in Daddy Day Camp. This movie is so bad I started to actively hate Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench!!!
To spare those of you who haven't endured this rancid turd, it's about three cows trying to save their farm from foreclosure by collecting the bounty on a cattle thief, and cattle thief who steals cattle by, I shit you not, Yodeling. THE BAD GUY'S SECRET WEAPON IS YODELING!!!! Who authorized this!? Oh, and Cuba Gooding Jr plays a horse who, I guess is supposed to be a comedic character a la Donkey in Shrek, but is actually a third rate Chris Tucker. This movie is offensively substandard, far worse than any of Disney's straight to DVD sequels. I cannot find the words to express just how badly I want to scrub the inside of my brain with a toothbrush until the memory is gone. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.
No Score, I don't know numbers small enough.
Friday, November 30, 2012
DMCP #52-65 Lilo & Stitch
Today I will be talking about Lilo & Stitch based on the novel "Push" by Saphire. This could be the darkest setup ever for a Disney movie. "Hey, what if we make a movie about a little orphan girl in Hawaii who is clinically depressed, has ADHD and is constantly getting in fights with her older sister, who is trying to raise her. Oh, then her sister can get in trouble with social services, and they we'll have the little girl make friends with a disneyfied xenomorph, and they'll cause so much mayhem, her sister will lose her job and their house can blow up! The kids'll love it!"
Given the basic premise, it's amazing that this movie works so well. Mixing Sci-Fi with a high stakes domestic drama should be a disaster, but somehow, it works. The movie uses a strange sense of humor that blends everything together. When Lilo is attempting to punish her friends with voodoo dolls, it somehow makes sense that her best friend should be a genetically engineered creature of distruction.
The story of Lilo and her sister Nani is a very honest look at a broken family that has been through unimaginable tradgedy. You get to see two people trying to find a way to make things work while feeling crushed by the reality of their situation. It is in these moments of honesty that we get some of the best scenes in the movie.
As a total contrast, we get to see goofy alien creatures attempt to recapture the escaped Stitch. The fish our of water alien duo add a nice dash of silliness and also causes Stitch to stay with Lilo to evade capture. It works more often than not, but it is the weakest part of the film. In fact, apart from Stitch, most of the Alien characters are very generic and boring, thankfully we only see them in the prologue and at the end of the movie. One other charcter that needs to be recognized is Ving Rhames as the social worker, Cobra Bubbles. Ridiculous name aside, he doe a great job of not letting the social worker be a villain. He is actually looking out for the best interests of Lilo and Nani, and given the events of the movie, you can't really blame him for his actions.
The core of the movie revolves around the idea of 'Ohana. As we are told throughout the movie, 'Ohana, means family; and that no one gets left behind or forgotten. It is really a beautiful sentiment that the movie drives home. The central message is that families aren't always happy or perfect, but they should always stick together. As Stitch points out at the end of the movie, "This is my family. I Found it. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." It's a great message for Disney to send out, and one that is repeated over and over again in their films. It's what makes people love these movies so much. They always try to tell you that outsiders are valuable and as deserving of love as anyone else, and that a family can take many shapes. They maybe little and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good
8.5/10
Given the basic premise, it's amazing that this movie works so well. Mixing Sci-Fi with a high stakes domestic drama should be a disaster, but somehow, it works. The movie uses a strange sense of humor that blends everything together. When Lilo is attempting to punish her friends with voodoo dolls, it somehow makes sense that her best friend should be a genetically engineered creature of distruction.
The story of Lilo and her sister Nani is a very honest look at a broken family that has been through unimaginable tradgedy. You get to see two people trying to find a way to make things work while feeling crushed by the reality of their situation. It is in these moments of honesty that we get some of the best scenes in the movie.
As a total contrast, we get to see goofy alien creatures attempt to recapture the escaped Stitch. The fish our of water alien duo add a nice dash of silliness and also causes Stitch to stay with Lilo to evade capture. It works more often than not, but it is the weakest part of the film. In fact, apart from Stitch, most of the Alien characters are very generic and boring, thankfully we only see them in the prologue and at the end of the movie. One other charcter that needs to be recognized is Ving Rhames as the social worker, Cobra Bubbles. Ridiculous name aside, he doe a great job of not letting the social worker be a villain. He is actually looking out for the best interests of Lilo and Nani, and given the events of the movie, you can't really blame him for his actions.
The core of the movie revolves around the idea of 'Ohana. As we are told throughout the movie, 'Ohana, means family; and that no one gets left behind or forgotten. It is really a beautiful sentiment that the movie drives home. The central message is that families aren't always happy or perfect, but they should always stick together. As Stitch points out at the end of the movie, "This is my family. I Found it. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." It's a great message for Disney to send out, and one that is repeated over and over again in their films. It's what makes people love these movies so much. They always try to tell you that outsiders are valuable and as deserving of love as anyone else, and that a family can take many shapes. They maybe little and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good
8.5/10
Sunday, November 25, 2012
DMCP - Wreck-It Ralph
It's been awhile, so let's get right to it.
If you haven't seen Wreck-It Ralph yet, go. Right now. It's a great film and loaded with enough eye candy to give you a tooth ache.
The story is about the existential crisis that Ralph has after spending 30 years doing a job no one respects. What do you do when you provide a crucial service that makes everyone hate you? Ralph represents anyone who's ever felt that their job has kept them from gaining respect in their community. Garbagemen, customer service reps, census workers, tax collectors, etc. If you've held a job like this, you can understand Ralph's depression. To the other characters in his game, he is an untouchable, a worthless oaf. It is only when he leaves on a desparate mission to become a hero that the other characters see his value.
In one of the worlds Ralph travels to, we get to meet Vanelopee Von Schweetz, an outcast in her own game for being a glitch. Like Ralph, Everyone sees her as a mistake to be ignored or bullied. Ralph forms a friendship with Vanelopee and tries to help her prove her worth, and learns what it means to be a hero in the process.
Without getting into spoilers, the movie also does a nice job dealing with effects of letting yourself be consumed by jealousy over another's success. This Character goes to sadistic extremes to stay relevent, denying others their opportunity for success. It's quite the cautionary tale when you see just how much distruction and pain this jealousy causes.
But enough about the serious stuff. This movie is also gorgeous. The various game worlds are rendered beatifully, especially Sugar Rush. If you've never played a video game, or if you've been playing them your whole life, I defy you to come out of this movie not wishing this was a real game. This Candyland meets MarioKart world is the setting for the best action sequences and visual delights in the movie. In the words of Tina Fey, "I want to go to there."
For Video game fans, we get to see games treated with respect. So often, video games are portrayed as little more than toys for kids and losers. In Wreck-It Ralph, you instead get to see games as exciting, immersive worlds worth spending time in. The movie celebrates the history of games with cameos of characters we've known for over 30 years. Older gamers will recognize the characters they grew up with, while younger gamers will recognize some of these characters as the corporate mascots they have become.
Kudos goes to John C. Reily as Ralph and Sarah Silverman as Vanelopee. They have created fully demensional characters that you can't help but fall in love with. I also want to give props to Alan Tudyk (Wash from Firefly!) for doing an amazing homage to Ed Wynn as the crazy ruler of the Surgar Rush kingdom. It's awesome.
So go see Wreck-It Ralph.
9/10
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Big Trouble in Little China - John Carpenter's Masterpiece
So, those of you who've known me for awhile may be aware that Big Trouble in Little China is one of my favorite movies of all time. I've probably seen it over 50 times easily, and I don't understand why this isn't the John Carpenter movie everyone talks about instead of Halloween. It's brilliant. Allow me to Explain.
1. Best portrayals of Asian- Americans in 80's cinema? - In the same decade that Sixteen Candles gave us Long Duck Dong, John Carpenter gave us a movie that, while certainly having fun with Chinese Mythology, also gives us a much better view of Asians than we'd previously seen. Yes, there's chinese magic and Kung Fu. The film is very clearly aiming for B-movie siliness (The director's commentary with John Carpenter and Kurt Russell confirms this)but, within that context we get Characters like Uncle Chu and Eddie. They both work at Wang Chi's Restaurant, and niether of them knows kung fu or magic. Eddie is an everyman. He's easy going, shy around the ladies, and is the kind of guy you'd love to be friends with. Uncle Chu is a grandfatherly type who knows the old chinese legends the same way any other elderly relative might know the folk stories of their culture.
The movie also has a lot of fun directly challenging stereotypes. Most of the Asian Actors speak perfect English, know how to drive, and are sexual beings. Egg Shen is a very capable bus driver (he successfully dodges the Pork Chop Express as it barrels at him going the wrong way on a one way street). The movie's plot revolves around Wang Chi's quest to rescue his fiancee. Wang Chi (Dennis Dun) is the hero and romantic lead of the story. He's the one who gets the girl in the end, and gets to make out with her. Quick, How many American movies can you name where the hero is an Asian Male who wins the love of his girl and they get to kiss at the end and live happily ever after? I can't think of any.
2. Kurt Russell's Jack Burton - This is my Favorite Kurt Russell performance of all time. He is the Star of the movie, but not the hero. He is setup in the prologue scene with Victor Wong to be a great man, then we quickly cut to a dirty truck driver, sloppily eating a sandwich as he pontificates about his greatness over his CB radio. This is 1986, the time of Rambo and Schwarzenegger and Indiana Jones. Jack Burton is a schlub. He's dirty, gross, rude, and has the casual arrogance and racism of an 80's All-American male. He fails to do a single thing right in the whole movie until the very end. And even then, his lone act of competence was "all in the reflexes." Jack's presence in the film serves at every turn to elevate the dignity and reality of the other Characters. His failures serve to contrast the lives the Asian Characters. Uncle Chu is a Chef, Eddie is a Matre D', Wang owns his own restaurant, and Egg Shen is a bus driver who also happens to own a whole block of real estate in San Francisco's China Town. These are very successful people, living out the American dream, and Jack Burton is just along for the ride. The humor in the movie is in his failure to understand that he is not in control. He assumes he should know what's going on. He's a white male in America. How could he be out of his depth? But he is. His one positive trait is his loyalty to his friend Wang Chi. When he's not trying deal with the magic and silliness of the movie, Jack treats Wang as his equal, and the movie doesn't draw attention to it. They are friends, they respect each other, and not much is said about it. It's the casualness of this friendship that really stands out when you look at other buddy friendships involving asian characters. Usually, the American (Chris Tucker, Owen Wilson, or whoever else is playing oposite Jackie Chan) has to grow to respect the Asian Character throughout the course of the film, and the Asian actor (usually Jackie Chan) is playing a variation on the noble savage stereotype. Not so here, Wang is already a successful, charming American bussiness owner when we meet him, and Jack is his sidekick. Wang likes Jack for his boistrous, outspoken nature, and Jack admires Wang's success. The race of the characters only matter because of the plot.
3. The plot. This movie is a great example of building a crazy story from the simplest beginning. Jack drives into Chinatown to make a delivery and stays for a night of gambling. Wang Chi, nervous about picking his fiancee up at the airport, joins the party. In the morning, Jack has won big and Wang wants to make a double or nothing bet and loses. Jack, ever the classy guy, gives wang a lift to the airport so he can make sure he gets his money. Then there's a kidnapping, kung fu battles, magic, mystical warriors, ghosts, monsters, and a young Kim Catrall. It goes to so many crazy places, but always maintains a sense of fun. I can't understand watching this movie without a smile on your face. The fights are awesomely staged and shot. (James Lew, the fight choreographer, would go on to work with pretty much every martial arts star ever) The alley way stand off between the Wing Kong and Chang Sings followed by the Arrival of the Three Storms is still one of my favorite actions scenes. It's a combination of martial arts and back alley brawling, all shot in a way that you can clearly follow the action, and the Three Storms have my vote for best villain entrance. I'd try to describe it, but it sounds way less cool in print.
4. Cast and Characters - First of all, this cast is amazing. If you love action movies, especially martial arts movies, you will spend about every five minutes going, "Hey, it's that guy! From that thing!" It's a who's who of Asian Character actors, stunt men and choreographers. James Hong, Victor Wong, James Lew, Donald Li, Chao Li Chi, Al Leoung, and many others. James Hong in particular gives an inspired performance as the villain Lo Pan. Hong effortlessly shifts from creepy to crazy to funny all while maintaining the integrety of the character. His fight with Egg Shen is the most WTF moment in the film, in a good way. It's just Awesome.
5. WTF? Lastly, this movie is filled with WTF moments that showcase just how much fun the movie is. Eyeball Monsters, Videogame battles, exploding men, and Kate Burton delivering my favorite line of ridiculous exposition ever with a straight face. "You mean THE David Lo Pan, the chairman of the national orient bank and the owner of the Wing Cong import export trading company? But who's so reclusive, that nobody's even laid eyes on the guy in years?!" Yes, that David Lo Pan.
Thanks for reading. Now I have room in my brain for a new post.
1. Best portrayals of Asian- Americans in 80's cinema? - In the same decade that Sixteen Candles gave us Long Duck Dong, John Carpenter gave us a movie that, while certainly having fun with Chinese Mythology, also gives us a much better view of Asians than we'd previously seen. Yes, there's chinese magic and Kung Fu. The film is very clearly aiming for B-movie siliness (The director's commentary with John Carpenter and Kurt Russell confirms this)but, within that context we get Characters like Uncle Chu and Eddie. They both work at Wang Chi's Restaurant, and niether of them knows kung fu or magic. Eddie is an everyman. He's easy going, shy around the ladies, and is the kind of guy you'd love to be friends with. Uncle Chu is a grandfatherly type who knows the old chinese legends the same way any other elderly relative might know the folk stories of their culture.
The movie also has a lot of fun directly challenging stereotypes. Most of the Asian Actors speak perfect English, know how to drive, and are sexual beings. Egg Shen is a very capable bus driver (he successfully dodges the Pork Chop Express as it barrels at him going the wrong way on a one way street). The movie's plot revolves around Wang Chi's quest to rescue his fiancee. Wang Chi (Dennis Dun) is the hero and romantic lead of the story. He's the one who gets the girl in the end, and gets to make out with her. Quick, How many American movies can you name where the hero is an Asian Male who wins the love of his girl and they get to kiss at the end and live happily ever after? I can't think of any.
2. Kurt Russell's Jack Burton - This is my Favorite Kurt Russell performance of all time. He is the Star of the movie, but not the hero. He is setup in the prologue scene with Victor Wong to be a great man, then we quickly cut to a dirty truck driver, sloppily eating a sandwich as he pontificates about his greatness over his CB radio. This is 1986, the time of Rambo and Schwarzenegger and Indiana Jones. Jack Burton is a schlub. He's dirty, gross, rude, and has the casual arrogance and racism of an 80's All-American male. He fails to do a single thing right in the whole movie until the very end. And even then, his lone act of competence was "all in the reflexes." Jack's presence in the film serves at every turn to elevate the dignity and reality of the other Characters. His failures serve to contrast the lives the Asian Characters. Uncle Chu is a Chef, Eddie is a Matre D', Wang owns his own restaurant, and Egg Shen is a bus driver who also happens to own a whole block of real estate in San Francisco's China Town. These are very successful people, living out the American dream, and Jack Burton is just along for the ride. The humor in the movie is in his failure to understand that he is not in control. He assumes he should know what's going on. He's a white male in America. How could he be out of his depth? But he is. His one positive trait is his loyalty to his friend Wang Chi. When he's not trying deal with the magic and silliness of the movie, Jack treats Wang as his equal, and the movie doesn't draw attention to it. They are friends, they respect each other, and not much is said about it. It's the casualness of this friendship that really stands out when you look at other buddy friendships involving asian characters. Usually, the American (Chris Tucker, Owen Wilson, or whoever else is playing oposite Jackie Chan) has to grow to respect the Asian Character throughout the course of the film, and the Asian actor (usually Jackie Chan) is playing a variation on the noble savage stereotype. Not so here, Wang is already a successful, charming American bussiness owner when we meet him, and Jack is his sidekick. Wang likes Jack for his boistrous, outspoken nature, and Jack admires Wang's success. The race of the characters only matter because of the plot.
3. The plot. This movie is a great example of building a crazy story from the simplest beginning. Jack drives into Chinatown to make a delivery and stays for a night of gambling. Wang Chi, nervous about picking his fiancee up at the airport, joins the party. In the morning, Jack has won big and Wang wants to make a double or nothing bet and loses. Jack, ever the classy guy, gives wang a lift to the airport so he can make sure he gets his money. Then there's a kidnapping, kung fu battles, magic, mystical warriors, ghosts, monsters, and a young Kim Catrall. It goes to so many crazy places, but always maintains a sense of fun. I can't understand watching this movie without a smile on your face. The fights are awesomely staged and shot. (James Lew, the fight choreographer, would go on to work with pretty much every martial arts star ever) The alley way stand off between the Wing Kong and Chang Sings followed by the Arrival of the Three Storms is still one of my favorite actions scenes. It's a combination of martial arts and back alley brawling, all shot in a way that you can clearly follow the action, and the Three Storms have my vote for best villain entrance. I'd try to describe it, but it sounds way less cool in print.
4. Cast and Characters - First of all, this cast is amazing. If you love action movies, especially martial arts movies, you will spend about every five minutes going, "Hey, it's that guy! From that thing!" It's a who's who of Asian Character actors, stunt men and choreographers. James Hong, Victor Wong, James Lew, Donald Li, Chao Li Chi, Al Leoung, and many others. James Hong in particular gives an inspired performance as the villain Lo Pan. Hong effortlessly shifts from creepy to crazy to funny all while maintaining the integrety of the character. His fight with Egg Shen is the most WTF moment in the film, in a good way. It's just Awesome.
5. WTF? Lastly, this movie is filled with WTF moments that showcase just how much fun the movie is. Eyeball Monsters, Videogame battles, exploding men, and Kate Burton delivering my favorite line of ridiculous exposition ever with a straight face. "You mean THE David Lo Pan, the chairman of the national orient bank and the owner of the Wing Cong import export trading company? But who's so reclusive, that nobody's even laid eyes on the guy in years?!" Yes, that David Lo Pan.
Thanks for reading. Now I have room in my brain for a new post.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
My Top Ten Scary Movies
If you ever wondered how you could scare the crap out of me, then I have news for you. The following is a list of the top ten scariest movies I have ever seen. These are movies that caused an actual fear response, cause me to scream, cry out, run out of the house to find safety, or just stay up trembling. What you won't find on this list are some movies that seem to always top these lists. No SHINING, OMEN, or EXORCIST here. (I agree with Beetlejuice about the Exorcist. It does get funnier every time I see it!) So here it is, my top ten:
10. 1408 - I spend a lot of time letting my mind wonder/fixate on things, so watching John Cusack slowly lose his mind while being terrified by a malevolent force realy got to me. I remember walking out of the theatre and feeling like I'd been awake during a really messed up dream I had. The rest of that day was spent trying to shake the feeling that I was still living in some kind of weird nightmare.
9. POLTERGEIST - One scene. The guy who goes into th bathroom to peel a bit of something off his face, if you've seen it, you know what happens next. You ever try to have a screaming match with your brain? I did, and my brain won. *shudders*
8. SE7EN - I hate David Fincher. Apart from a brief stint in my late teens when I though Fight Club was awesome, I can safely say I've loathed every single thing he has made. Mostly because I don't understand people heaping praise on boring, stupid movies, but Se7en I hate for a different reason. It's the kind of movie that is so dark, and still has a sense of reality about it, that by the end, I have lost all faith in humanity. This movie makes me not want to live in a world that bleak. It's a horror equivalent of watching Requiem for a Dream: After it's over, I just want to hold my loved ones and cry, and then put on Super Troopers to chase the sadness away.
7. PSYCHO - This is a movie I thought I knew all there was to know about. I've watched Bravo count down the 100 scariest movie moments about a dozen times, and they always talk about the shower scene, Norman sinking the car, and the guy falling down the stairs. What they leave out is the ending. Oh God, the ending. When you finally see the face of the killer, it's so unsettling and bizare, your brain can't quite process it. Anthony Perkins gives the best serial killer performance I have ever seen. He is so captivating, balancing pitiful and creepy perfectly. And the final shot of the film is creepier than anything in Silence of the Lambs, which is also based on the life of Ed Gein.
6. JAWS - I have an almost crippling fear of being in a deep body of water, and I blame Jaws. Even swimming in the lakes back home, If the water goes over my head, I know, I KNOW, I am about to die. I've gotten better about suppressing that feeling, but it's always, always there. Stupid shark movie.
5. SAW III - Sometimes the context you see a movie in changes everything. I'm actually a fan of the Saw franchise, which is surprising because the first time I saw the original, I thought it was the worst movie I'd ever seen. But the makeup and prop designer inside of me grew to love the inventive traps as the series went on. But I watched Saw III for the first time in a hotel room with a bunch of my theatre friends in college, and I was the only one in the room who liked scary movies. When you have that many people around you losing their minds, you get infected by it, and you start to feel very unsafe. The movie has turned on you and you may not make it. Also, this one has the two most upsetting traps in the whole series: the pig trap, and the torture rack. I still can't keep my eyes open in those scenes.
4. DRAG ME TO HELL - Of all the movies on this list, this is the only one with happy memories. I saw this at the Rivoli Theatre in La Crosse, WI. A group of us from the theatre I was working at drove over there and ordered pizza, beer, & hot wings and sat in the front row and had an absolute blast. This movie balanced the scares about 2 seconds after you have started laughing at the punchline of a joke, causing you to shift from laugh to scream on a dime, followed by another laugh of apreciation. If you love the thrills and scares of the best rollercoasters, this movie is for you.
3. THE DESCENT - I love visiting caves, but I always have that moment where I think of just how many tons of rock I'm standing under, and how dead I'd be if there was a cave in. This movie answers that question, then makes it worse, by adding monsters down there as well. It also features a cast of strong female characters who mostly try to do exactly what I'd do in the same situation. And they're still screwed. If you watch this movie, stick with the unrated ending. It's way better.
2. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE - This movie makes me just want to shower. It's just so relentlessly horrifying. It was also the first slasher movie I saw that starred average looking, sympathetic victims. The movie starts creepy, quickly moves to F'ed up when they pick up a hitch-hiker, and it only goes downhill from there. The final sequence with the whole family around the dinner table is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a movie. This is not a movie to watch alone.
1. THE INNKEEPERS - Ti West is my new favorite horror director, and this movie caught me totally off guard. I'd already seen his first movie, HOUSE OF THE DEVIL, which is a pretty great throwback horror movie. I liked it, but I wasn't too scared by it. His second film though, caused me to flee my house in terror. To say anything about the INNKEEPERS is to spoil the surprise, so I'll just give my inner monologue as I watched it: "la la la, lovable losers, closing hotel, blah blah blah.......ha, that was cute.....blah blah blah, oooh, that's kind a creepy, la la la, oh good, it's almost over, what a disapointme- wait...what? no, oh no, ohnonononononono, Get out of there! OH SH*T! OH! OH MY GOD!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!.............. I'm going to hide somewhere bright and happy, like the mall." By lulling you into a near stupor, your brain isn't prepared when the movie gets scary, and you feel like you do when a dream you're having takes a wrong turn: you're helpless and terrified and you just want to make it stop. This movie is the reason for this post, mainly because I had a dream last night where my wife and I were in the final scary scene. Not cool, subconscious, not cool at all.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: as a small child I walked into the room at my grandparents house right when Toht's face was melting off. Nightmares for weeks. Also, I hate spiders.
JURASSIC PARK: Went to see this movie for a friend's birthday party in 3rd Grade. I hid under the candy counter from the moment the guy gets pulled into the raptor cage in the opening until the T-rex fought the raptors at the end. Basically, Steven Spielberg was the root of all my childhood trauma.
SPY KIDS: I have two words for you: Thumb Thumbs. ugh! I was so creeped out by this movie, I made my dad take us back to the movie theater to see Josie and the Pussycats just so I could sleep that night.
10. 1408 - I spend a lot of time letting my mind wonder/fixate on things, so watching John Cusack slowly lose his mind while being terrified by a malevolent force realy got to me. I remember walking out of the theatre and feeling like I'd been awake during a really messed up dream I had. The rest of that day was spent trying to shake the feeling that I was still living in some kind of weird nightmare.
9. POLTERGEIST - One scene. The guy who goes into th bathroom to peel a bit of something off his face, if you've seen it, you know what happens next. You ever try to have a screaming match with your brain? I did, and my brain won. *shudders*
8. SE7EN - I hate David Fincher. Apart from a brief stint in my late teens when I though Fight Club was awesome, I can safely say I've loathed every single thing he has made. Mostly because I don't understand people heaping praise on boring, stupid movies, but Se7en I hate for a different reason. It's the kind of movie that is so dark, and still has a sense of reality about it, that by the end, I have lost all faith in humanity. This movie makes me not want to live in a world that bleak. It's a horror equivalent of watching Requiem for a Dream: After it's over, I just want to hold my loved ones and cry, and then put on Super Troopers to chase the sadness away.
7. PSYCHO - This is a movie I thought I knew all there was to know about. I've watched Bravo count down the 100 scariest movie moments about a dozen times, and they always talk about the shower scene, Norman sinking the car, and the guy falling down the stairs. What they leave out is the ending. Oh God, the ending. When you finally see the face of the killer, it's so unsettling and bizare, your brain can't quite process it. Anthony Perkins gives the best serial killer performance I have ever seen. He is so captivating, balancing pitiful and creepy perfectly. And the final shot of the film is creepier than anything in Silence of the Lambs, which is also based on the life of Ed Gein.
6. JAWS - I have an almost crippling fear of being in a deep body of water, and I blame Jaws. Even swimming in the lakes back home, If the water goes over my head, I know, I KNOW, I am about to die. I've gotten better about suppressing that feeling, but it's always, always there. Stupid shark movie.
5. SAW III - Sometimes the context you see a movie in changes everything. I'm actually a fan of the Saw franchise, which is surprising because the first time I saw the original, I thought it was the worst movie I'd ever seen. But the makeup and prop designer inside of me grew to love the inventive traps as the series went on. But I watched Saw III for the first time in a hotel room with a bunch of my theatre friends in college, and I was the only one in the room who liked scary movies. When you have that many people around you losing their minds, you get infected by it, and you start to feel very unsafe. The movie has turned on you and you may not make it. Also, this one has the two most upsetting traps in the whole series: the pig trap, and the torture rack. I still can't keep my eyes open in those scenes.
4. DRAG ME TO HELL - Of all the movies on this list, this is the only one with happy memories. I saw this at the Rivoli Theatre in La Crosse, WI. A group of us from the theatre I was working at drove over there and ordered pizza, beer, & hot wings and sat in the front row and had an absolute blast. This movie balanced the scares about 2 seconds after you have started laughing at the punchline of a joke, causing you to shift from laugh to scream on a dime, followed by another laugh of apreciation. If you love the thrills and scares of the best rollercoasters, this movie is for you.
3. THE DESCENT - I love visiting caves, but I always have that moment where I think of just how many tons of rock I'm standing under, and how dead I'd be if there was a cave in. This movie answers that question, then makes it worse, by adding monsters down there as well. It also features a cast of strong female characters who mostly try to do exactly what I'd do in the same situation. And they're still screwed. If you watch this movie, stick with the unrated ending. It's way better.
2. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE - This movie makes me just want to shower. It's just so relentlessly horrifying. It was also the first slasher movie I saw that starred average looking, sympathetic victims. The movie starts creepy, quickly moves to F'ed up when they pick up a hitch-hiker, and it only goes downhill from there. The final sequence with the whole family around the dinner table is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a movie. This is not a movie to watch alone.
1. THE INNKEEPERS - Ti West is my new favorite horror director, and this movie caught me totally off guard. I'd already seen his first movie, HOUSE OF THE DEVIL, which is a pretty great throwback horror movie. I liked it, but I wasn't too scared by it. His second film though, caused me to flee my house in terror. To say anything about the INNKEEPERS is to spoil the surprise, so I'll just give my inner monologue as I watched it: "la la la, lovable losers, closing hotel, blah blah blah.......ha, that was cute.....blah blah blah, oooh, that's kind a creepy, la la la, oh good, it's almost over, what a disapointme- wait...what? no, oh no, ohnonononononono, Get out of there! OH SH*T! OH! OH MY GOD!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!.............. I'm going to hide somewhere bright and happy, like the mall." By lulling you into a near stupor, your brain isn't prepared when the movie gets scary, and you feel like you do when a dream you're having takes a wrong turn: you're helpless and terrified and you just want to make it stop. This movie is the reason for this post, mainly because I had a dream last night where my wife and I were in the final scary scene. Not cool, subconscious, not cool at all.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: as a small child I walked into the room at my grandparents house right when Toht's face was melting off. Nightmares for weeks. Also, I hate spiders.
JURASSIC PARK: Went to see this movie for a friend's birthday party in 3rd Grade. I hid under the candy counter from the moment the guy gets pulled into the raptor cage in the opening until the T-rex fought the raptors at the end. Basically, Steven Spielberg was the root of all my childhood trauma.
SPY KIDS: I have two words for you: Thumb Thumbs. ugh! I was so creeped out by this movie, I made my dad take us back to the movie theater to see Josie and the Pussycats just so I could sleep that night.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
My one and only statement about MN amendments.
This is my one and only statement in regards to this election. If you're sick of hearing about politics, just stop reading now. really. It's fine. I wrote this to get it off my chest more than I wrote it to convince anyone that I'm right. Now that you've been warned, it's about to get all kinds of preachy up in here.
Still reading? Ok. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Everyone, my one and only political statement: Vote for the representives you believe in. That is your right and duty as an American citizen. If you can see my facebook profile, it means I have friended you and I think you are a good and decent person. I also believe your vote is sacred and private, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone. I only ask that those of you voting in MN think long and hard about the marriage and voter ID amendments. Voting yes on either is a vote to restrict the rights of those around you.
The marriage amendment needlessly restricts the rights of people who are very dear to me, people who have shown me great kindness and generosity over the years, people I would do anything for. A vote no does not affect your beliefs, it does not legalize gay marriage, it only prevents us from using the state constitution to officially sanction bigotry. Even if gay marriage were to be legalized (as it should be), the government cannot force religious institutions to perform gay weddings. Churches have and will continue to have the right to refuse to marry any one they wish. For example, Catholic churches refuse to marry people all the time for various reasons, and they will certainly be able to add gay people to that list when gay marriage becomes legal. That is their right, and a right given to all religious institutions that I would fight for them to keep. Gay marriage is about giving legal protections and responsibility to those who disire it. It's about letting people retain joint property and assets after a death, it's about visiting loved ones in the hospital, and it's about the right to divorce and recieve fair treatment by the law when dissolving such a partnership. There are countless other legal and logistical advantages to being married that my gay friends are being denied everyday for archaic and ridiculous reasons. Marriage has evolved and been redefined countless times or the centuries. Multiple wives, dowries, concubines, arranged marriages.... these are all repelent ideas to us now, and they were all once allowed under "traditional" views of marriage. we changed definitions again over the years when we allowed interracial marriages. The world continued to spin. It will continue to spin after we let all loving, caring adults marry the ones they love. Please vote No, it hurts no one, and will mean a lot to people I love very much.
As for the voter ID amendment, the amendment cost millions of dollars, with cause a need for increased government oversight, disenfranchise millions of voters, and do almost nothing to stop voter fraud. Why? People who currently don't have driver's license will need to find a way to get and pay for a photo ID. The incresed demand will create a need to hire more government workers, and, being the goverment, we'll need to pay someone else to watch over them. There are also many people who cannot travel, cannot afford the fee, or both. So either Taxpayers will have to pick up the tab, or these American citizens will be dinied the right to vote. All this is allegedly to prevent voter fraud. Studies show that voter fraud among the general public is rare. $500 in fines and potential jail time is a lot to risk for one extra vote. Likewise for politicians themselves. The fallout from being caught stealing votes would be devastating. Besides, logic suggests that the political parties would not be spending hundreds of millions of dollars a year raising money to win votes if they could just cheat. It's a wasteful, stupid amendment that expects us to vote to restrict the voting process out of fear and ignorance. I for one, will not vote to restrict my or any one else's rights. I urge you to do the same.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. That's pretty much all I have to say on the subject. If you disagree, thanks for hearing me out. You are of course welcome to attempt to change my mind. Fair warning, it won't work. We will both be happier agreeing to disagree.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
DMCP # 50-63 - Ratatouille
FIVE MONTHS BETWEEN POSTS!!! sorry everyone. I've been a little busy moving to another state and job hunting and what not. Anyway, on with the countdown....
I love Pixar, I love Patton Oswalt, I love food, I love cooking. So why isn't Ratatouille one of my favorite movies of all time? I should love this movie, but I only like it. This movie has moments of greatness to be sure, Ego's review at the end is one of my favorite descriptions of criticism ever. But I do disagree a little that negative criticism is fun to read and write. It is fun to read and write when a movie is a bloated hollywood mess directed by Michael Bay or George Lucas, but I take little joy from having to eviscerate Cars 2 or Pinnochio. It's not fun to be negative about something you wanted to love. I'd always rather be raving about something unique that needs to be defended.
This goes back to my problems with Ratatouille. It is a unique story, and I love the message that while not every one is great, true greatness can come from anywhere. I sometimes feel that this is the message we've been trying to teach kids all along. You know, before we started giving participation ribbons for everything. Pixar movies tend to have several variations on this theme and I quite like it. It is a reminder that greatness is something everyone should strive for, even if we don't all achieve it.
What Pixar doesn't do very well here is show the amount of work it take to be great. All of Remy's problems with being a cook have to do with being a rat. Yes, that's a huge obstacle for our hero, but his genius as a cook never seems earned. It's almost like starting Star Wars with Anikin Skywalker already being good at everything he does, except people don't like him so life is hard. That is a harsh example, and Phantom Menace isn't in the same league as Ratatouille, but I believe they share a problem of having a protagonist who is too skilled to be truly interesting. We never see Remy fail at cooking, and I think the movie suffers for it. I wish we could have one moment where Remy fails at the thing he is truly great at. I want him to have a new recipe turn out badly. It happens to everyone who loves to cook. In fact, every good cook I know has done this, and it makes them better. Even Remy's hero Gusteau has a bad recipe that needs to be fixed. By not having Remy ever make a cooking error, it sucks a lot of tension out of the film.
Everything hinges on how to get a rat to cook in a French kitchen. Again, huge obstacle for our hero, but our hero is already an anthropomorphic rat with super cooking powers. If you suspend your disbelief that far, there's no doubt he'll succeed if he gets the chance. And we know he'll get the chance. Even with all the obstacles put in front of him, movie watching has taught us that the hero will always get a chance to square off against the villain. Rocky isn't about if he'll get to fight Apollo Creed. We know he will, that's why we are watching. We want to see if he can win. Spiderman will fight Dr. Octopus, The Incredibles will face Syndrome, etc, etc, etc. We never get a moment to feel like Remy can't beat Anton Ego. All those moments are given to Linguini, which is a shame because he is more or less a plot device. He is the tool Remy uses to succeed and I don't care much about the feelings and doubts of a tool. Linguini isn't a substantial enough character to carry the weight of the movie. His arc is this: clumsy boy becomes friends with rat who can work him like a puppet by pulling his hair, he learns to become confident in himself, and learns he is a good waiter by the end. That's it! the journey from dishwasher to waiter is not interesting. None of his other fame and success is his doing. So what we have is Remy and Linguini sharing the role of hero. Remy has all the talent, but none of the being human necessary to succeed, and Linguini has none of the talent and all of the (fully justified) self doubt. Neither of them are complete enough characters for us to get behind.
With all that said, I still find the movie charming. The animation is gorgeous, the side characters are fun, Peter O'T0oole's Villainous food critic is brilliant, and the sound is great. The highlight of the movie for me is the moment when Collette shows Linguini how to find good bread. The crackle of the bread makes my mouth water every single time and I'm tempted to just turn the movie off and go eat a whole loaf of french bread. I wish the movie had more moments like that. Instead we get good soup (which is too vague in description to be interesting) and ratatouille (which does look delicious). For a movie about cooking, it's sadly lacking in culinary money shots.
All in all Ratatouille is a likeable movie, but it never reaches the levels of greatness that it seeks to celebrate.
6/10
I love Pixar, I love Patton Oswalt, I love food, I love cooking. So why isn't Ratatouille one of my favorite movies of all time? I should love this movie, but I only like it. This movie has moments of greatness to be sure, Ego's review at the end is one of my favorite descriptions of criticism ever. But I do disagree a little that negative criticism is fun to read and write. It is fun to read and write when a movie is a bloated hollywood mess directed by Michael Bay or George Lucas, but I take little joy from having to eviscerate Cars 2 or Pinnochio. It's not fun to be negative about something you wanted to love. I'd always rather be raving about something unique that needs to be defended.
This goes back to my problems with Ratatouille. It is a unique story, and I love the message that while not every one is great, true greatness can come from anywhere. I sometimes feel that this is the message we've been trying to teach kids all along. You know, before we started giving participation ribbons for everything. Pixar movies tend to have several variations on this theme and I quite like it. It is a reminder that greatness is something everyone should strive for, even if we don't all achieve it.
What Pixar doesn't do very well here is show the amount of work it take to be great. All of Remy's problems with being a cook have to do with being a rat. Yes, that's a huge obstacle for our hero, but his genius as a cook never seems earned. It's almost like starting Star Wars with Anikin Skywalker already being good at everything he does, except people don't like him so life is hard. That is a harsh example, and Phantom Menace isn't in the same league as Ratatouille, but I believe they share a problem of having a protagonist who is too skilled to be truly interesting. We never see Remy fail at cooking, and I think the movie suffers for it. I wish we could have one moment where Remy fails at the thing he is truly great at. I want him to have a new recipe turn out badly. It happens to everyone who loves to cook. In fact, every good cook I know has done this, and it makes them better. Even Remy's hero Gusteau has a bad recipe that needs to be fixed. By not having Remy ever make a cooking error, it sucks a lot of tension out of the film.
Everything hinges on how to get a rat to cook in a French kitchen. Again, huge obstacle for our hero, but our hero is already an anthropomorphic rat with super cooking powers. If you suspend your disbelief that far, there's no doubt he'll succeed if he gets the chance. And we know he'll get the chance. Even with all the obstacles put in front of him, movie watching has taught us that the hero will always get a chance to square off against the villain. Rocky isn't about if he'll get to fight Apollo Creed. We know he will, that's why we are watching. We want to see if he can win. Spiderman will fight Dr. Octopus, The Incredibles will face Syndrome, etc, etc, etc. We never get a moment to feel like Remy can't beat Anton Ego. All those moments are given to Linguini, which is a shame because he is more or less a plot device. He is the tool Remy uses to succeed and I don't care much about the feelings and doubts of a tool. Linguini isn't a substantial enough character to carry the weight of the movie. His arc is this: clumsy boy becomes friends with rat who can work him like a puppet by pulling his hair, he learns to become confident in himself, and learns he is a good waiter by the end. That's it! the journey from dishwasher to waiter is not interesting. None of his other fame and success is his doing. So what we have is Remy and Linguini sharing the role of hero. Remy has all the talent, but none of the being human necessary to succeed, and Linguini has none of the talent and all of the (fully justified) self doubt. Neither of them are complete enough characters for us to get behind.
With all that said, I still find the movie charming. The animation is gorgeous, the side characters are fun, Peter O'T0oole's Villainous food critic is brilliant, and the sound is great. The highlight of the movie for me is the moment when Collette shows Linguini how to find good bread. The crackle of the bread makes my mouth water every single time and I'm tempted to just turn the movie off and go eat a whole loaf of french bread. I wish the movie had more moments like that. Instead we get good soup (which is too vague in description to be interesting) and ratatouille (which does look delicious). For a movie about cooking, it's sadly lacking in culinary money shots.
All in all Ratatouille is a likeable movie, but it never reaches the levels of greatness that it seeks to celebrate.
6/10
Thursday, September 8, 2011
DMCP #49-63 - Cars
Some of you may have noticed that I didn't exactly care for Cars 2. After re-watching Cars again, I hate the sequel even more for taking away everything that I love about the first movie. Cars is a love letter to a bygone way of life in America: the days of adventuring out in your car just for the sheer thrill of driving. It's about small towns along winding, thrilling highways. It's about the memories we make when the journey is as important as the destination.
Re-watching Cars, I came up with a theory for why this film is thought of as a miss-step for Pixar. I have a feeling many film reviewers live rather busy lives in major cities. Gas is expensive, navigating city traffic is a pain, and there are always deadlines to meet. I can sympathize with people for whom car travel has never been something to enjoy, but to endure. If that is the case, this movie is nothing but half-baked sentimentality for the red state crowd, a bone thrown to dumb country folk. You would have no frame of reference to connect to this movie on an emotional level.
The other thing I noticed is that Lightning McQueen isn't really the most important Character. We know what his arc is almost immediately and that's ok, because once you know where you are going, you can relax and enjoy the rich scenery. It's the townsfolk of Radiator Springs and their interactions the make up the soul of this movie. They make up a loving an touching family. Luigi and Guido make a great comedic duo, the crazy old lady Model-T is always amusing, and the shy fire engine is adorable. As for Larry the Cable Guy's Mater, I think this is the best performance the Cable Guy will ever give us, and I mean that as a compliment. Mater is goofy and dim-witted, but restrained and nuanced enough to create a character we'd like to hang out with. Who wouldn't want to go tractor tipping with Mater? Owen Wilson does a great job playing the straight man(car?)and the balance is just about perfect.
The anchor of the movie though, is Paul Newman's Doc Hudson. While many people choose to live in small towns to feel free, Doc has come to hide from his past, to deny his former greatness. Paul Newmans does a fantastic job of slowly revealing the deep emotional scars of a fallen athlete, and his reintroduction to his fans in the third act is lovely.
The most moving moment of the movie for me by far was the montage of what's happens to a town when it is forgotten. I saw the movie in Kilgore, TX. It's an old oil town where the wells have all but dried up. the downtown is filled with long dried up oil derricks and shuttered store fronts, all businesses have moved out to the highway or by the Walmart. If not for the small collage that holds the Texas Shakespeare Festival and boasts one of the best Cheerleader squads in the state, the town would have dried up and blown away years ago. When a montage essentially shows you the very thing you look at everyday when you go outside, you cannot help but feel the impact. I know of other towns, forgotten because of a freeway bypass, and it's like putting a kink in a garden hose.
The film takes ample time to preach the treasure that is Route 66. It's a highway that winds through the country and gives travelers a journey worth remembering. It's the symbol of the countless state highways throughout the country. The fondest Memory I have of my father is the time we took a road trip to St. Louis and back, just because. We spent a few hours on route 66 just for the heck of it, and it is the coolest road I've ever ridden on. We loved it so much we decided to take the quieter highways the whole way back, cruising along the Mississippi River and stopping in towns like Hannibal, MO just to see the town where Mark Twain lived. We took our time and I have a wealth of precious memories because of it. The Film also reminds me of a trip with the whole family out to Colorado, winding through Wyoming and the Black Hills of South Dakota. If you've only ever taken the interstate through the heart of the country, you might as well just fly because your missing all the things that make car travel a joy.
In the end it's the memories the film brings up that make Cars so special to me. Yes, it's a little weird that the world is only made up of cars and no organic life except for plants. But When you're writing a love letter to the open road and the thrill of driving, adding humans to your film is redundant because the movie speaks to the special moments when you become one with your car and the road. It's about the moments when you feel free.
7/10 - I have to dock it a point 'cuz even though it's redundant, it's still weird to have sentient cars ride around inside of each other.
Re-watching Cars, I came up with a theory for why this film is thought of as a miss-step for Pixar. I have a feeling many film reviewers live rather busy lives in major cities. Gas is expensive, navigating city traffic is a pain, and there are always deadlines to meet. I can sympathize with people for whom car travel has never been something to enjoy, but to endure. If that is the case, this movie is nothing but half-baked sentimentality for the red state crowd, a bone thrown to dumb country folk. You would have no frame of reference to connect to this movie on an emotional level.
The other thing I noticed is that Lightning McQueen isn't really the most important Character. We know what his arc is almost immediately and that's ok, because once you know where you are going, you can relax and enjoy the rich scenery. It's the townsfolk of Radiator Springs and their interactions the make up the soul of this movie. They make up a loving an touching family. Luigi and Guido make a great comedic duo, the crazy old lady Model-T is always amusing, and the shy fire engine is adorable. As for Larry the Cable Guy's Mater, I think this is the best performance the Cable Guy will ever give us, and I mean that as a compliment. Mater is goofy and dim-witted, but restrained and nuanced enough to create a character we'd like to hang out with. Who wouldn't want to go tractor tipping with Mater? Owen Wilson does a great job playing the straight man(car?)and the balance is just about perfect.
The anchor of the movie though, is Paul Newman's Doc Hudson. While many people choose to live in small towns to feel free, Doc has come to hide from his past, to deny his former greatness. Paul Newmans does a fantastic job of slowly revealing the deep emotional scars of a fallen athlete, and his reintroduction to his fans in the third act is lovely.
The most moving moment of the movie for me by far was the montage of what's happens to a town when it is forgotten. I saw the movie in Kilgore, TX. It's an old oil town where the wells have all but dried up. the downtown is filled with long dried up oil derricks and shuttered store fronts, all businesses have moved out to the highway or by the Walmart. If not for the small collage that holds the Texas Shakespeare Festival and boasts one of the best Cheerleader squads in the state, the town would have dried up and blown away years ago. When a montage essentially shows you the very thing you look at everyday when you go outside, you cannot help but feel the impact. I know of other towns, forgotten because of a freeway bypass, and it's like putting a kink in a garden hose.
The film takes ample time to preach the treasure that is Route 66. It's a highway that winds through the country and gives travelers a journey worth remembering. It's the symbol of the countless state highways throughout the country. The fondest Memory I have of my father is the time we took a road trip to St. Louis and back, just because. We spent a few hours on route 66 just for the heck of it, and it is the coolest road I've ever ridden on. We loved it so much we decided to take the quieter highways the whole way back, cruising along the Mississippi River and stopping in towns like Hannibal, MO just to see the town where Mark Twain lived. We took our time and I have a wealth of precious memories because of it. The Film also reminds me of a trip with the whole family out to Colorado, winding through Wyoming and the Black Hills of South Dakota. If you've only ever taken the interstate through the heart of the country, you might as well just fly because your missing all the things that make car travel a joy.
In the end it's the memories the film brings up that make Cars so special to me. Yes, it's a little weird that the world is only made up of cars and no organic life except for plants. But When you're writing a love letter to the open road and the thrill of driving, adding humans to your film is redundant because the movie speaks to the special moments when you become one with your car and the road. It's about the moments when you feel free.
7/10 - I have to dock it a point 'cuz even though it's redundant, it's still weird to have sentient cars ride around inside of each other.
DCMP #48-63 - The Sword in the Stone
I'm back after over a month off and it's time for me to review the final film that Walt Disney himself saw through to completion (he died during Jungle Book). Sword in the Stone is a brisk tale Merlin and his attempts to educate a young boy who would become King Arthur. It's light, airy fun, and it never takes itself very seriously. Because of this, there's not much too this movie at all. It lacks the depth of Character to be very engaging. The best Character by far is the Mad Madame Mim. In a film where Wart is a little too bland, and Merlin a little too dumb, Mim is wonderfully insane, and breathe a gust of life into the procedings. There's not much really to say about this movie actually. It's a fun movie for a lazy Sunday, but nothing more. Oh well, still 15 films to go! Up next: Cars
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
DMCP - Tangled #47-63
For Disney's 50th Animated feature, they went back to what they do best - Fairy tales. This time up, Rapunzel. All the signature Disney touches are there: Independence minded princess, a wicked villain, silly sidekicks, animal friends, and animation that is second to none. For all the strides made by Dreamworks recently with How to Train Your Dragon and King Fu Panda, they can't touch the beauty of the lantern sequence in Tangled.
Tangled has a lighthearted sense of fun about it, without being too cutesy. It strikes that magic balance between childlike playfulness and an adult sense of story and character. The witch in Tangled marks a very mature step for Disney. She is a complex and cerebral villain who almost never shows her wicked side. Instead, she is a masterful manipulator, charming others to do her dirty work. Her treatment of Rapunzel is so disturbing because it is so calculating. She uses feigned love and passive aggressive tormenting to keep Rapunzel as emotionally locked up and she is physically. Rapunzel is so damaged by her mother that the very act of leaving her tower sends her into Bi-polar fits. It's a funny scene, but it underscores the years of emotional abuse. In fact, Mother Goethel has more in common with the modern parent than a mustache twirling villain. While kids are enjoying a fun fairy tale adventure, parents are treated to the dark side of being an overprotective parent, trying to reclaim their youth at the expense of their child's development. Mother Goethel is a 21st Century villain who would be quite at home on an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. (I wonder if the writer's room was down the hall from the latest Disney Channel auditions, it makes sense that those who work at the Mouse House see an overabundance of this behavior.)
Apart from the deeper meaning, you also get a lot of pretty great sight gags (including a sword fight with a horse and a frying pan), and the dude from Chuck makes a great Flynn Rider. Mandy Moore is perfectly charming as Rapunzel, and her voice is ideal for the light and fluffy songs in the movie. While the movie is technically a musical, the songs are not very memorable. That's not to say they're bad, they just fit so snuggly into the story that you can watch it and forget anyone was every singing. The only stand out number takes place in a scary tavern in the woods with a bunch of criminals with hearts of gold.
Also, because of the ending, my wife now has princess hair, and that's awesome.
9/10
Tangled has a lighthearted sense of fun about it, without being too cutesy. It strikes that magic balance between childlike playfulness and an adult sense of story and character. The witch in Tangled marks a very mature step for Disney. She is a complex and cerebral villain who almost never shows her wicked side. Instead, she is a masterful manipulator, charming others to do her dirty work. Her treatment of Rapunzel is so disturbing because it is so calculating. She uses feigned love and passive aggressive tormenting to keep Rapunzel as emotionally locked up and she is physically. Rapunzel is so damaged by her mother that the very act of leaving her tower sends her into Bi-polar fits. It's a funny scene, but it underscores the years of emotional abuse. In fact, Mother Goethel has more in common with the modern parent than a mustache twirling villain. While kids are enjoying a fun fairy tale adventure, parents are treated to the dark side of being an overprotective parent, trying to reclaim their youth at the expense of their child's development. Mother Goethel is a 21st Century villain who would be quite at home on an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. (I wonder if the writer's room was down the hall from the latest Disney Channel auditions, it makes sense that those who work at the Mouse House see an overabundance of this behavior.)
Apart from the deeper meaning, you also get a lot of pretty great sight gags (including a sword fight with a horse and a frying pan), and the dude from Chuck makes a great Flynn Rider. Mandy Moore is perfectly charming as Rapunzel, and her voice is ideal for the light and fluffy songs in the movie. While the movie is technically a musical, the songs are not very memorable. That's not to say they're bad, they just fit so snuggly into the story that you can watch it and forget anyone was every singing. The only stand out number takes place in a scary tavern in the woods with a bunch of criminals with hearts of gold.
Also, because of the ending, my wife now has princess hair, and that's awesome.
9/10
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
DMCP - Winnie the Pooh - #46 of 63
So I tallied up my movies so far and out of 63 movies (51 Disney and 12 Pixar) I have watched 45. Today I'll talk about #46 - Winnie the Pooh.
I loved this movie. After the tragedy of Cars 2, it was great to see something as polished and gentle as Pooh Bear and his friends. The voices may be a little different, but Disney has really captured the heart of what made these characters so great in the first place. Jim Cummings does a remarkable job as Winnie the Pooh (and Tigger too!) and Craig Ferguson does a nice job as owl.
The themes of the movie are very basic; friendship, imagination, and helping others; but the story is told with an effortless grace that is a welcome relief in a summer filled with superheroes, giant machines, and sex comedies. I an era filled with irony and cynicism, I enjoy the directness and honesty of Christopher Robin and his friends. None of them have ulterior motives - Pooh wants honey, Tigger wants to bounce and pounce, Piglet wants to help, and owl wants to read you his memoir. For the brief 70 minute run time (including an adorable short about the Loc-ness monster narrated by Billy Connolly)I was transported back to my child hood days, being tucked into bed and having my father read me a bedtime story. If you ever find yourself in need of a little break from the stress of modern life, take the time to sit down and spend an hour in the Hundred Acre Wood. You'll be glad you did.
9/10
Also, Stay for the end credits, and if you think of it, look up California Public Television personality Huell Howser or any of comedian James Adomian's Huell Howser impersonations on the Comedy Bang Bang (formally Comedy Death-Ray) podcast. It will only add to your enjoyment of the post-credits sequence, I promise.
I loved this movie. After the tragedy of Cars 2, it was great to see something as polished and gentle as Pooh Bear and his friends. The voices may be a little different, but Disney has really captured the heart of what made these characters so great in the first place. Jim Cummings does a remarkable job as Winnie the Pooh (and Tigger too!) and Craig Ferguson does a nice job as owl.
The themes of the movie are very basic; friendship, imagination, and helping others; but the story is told with an effortless grace that is a welcome relief in a summer filled with superheroes, giant machines, and sex comedies. I an era filled with irony and cynicism, I enjoy the directness and honesty of Christopher Robin and his friends. None of them have ulterior motives - Pooh wants honey, Tigger wants to bounce and pounce, Piglet wants to help, and owl wants to read you his memoir. For the brief 70 minute run time (including an adorable short about the Loc-ness monster narrated by Billy Connolly)I was transported back to my child hood days, being tucked into bed and having my father read me a bedtime story. If you ever find yourself in need of a little break from the stress of modern life, take the time to sit down and spend an hour in the Hundred Acre Wood. You'll be glad you did.
9/10
Also, Stay for the end credits, and if you think of it, look up California Public Television personality Huell Howser or any of comedian James Adomian's Huell Howser impersonations on the Comedy Bang Bang (formally Comedy Death-Ray) podcast. It will only add to your enjoyment of the post-credits sequence, I promise.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
DMCP - Cars 2
New Pixar Film!!! They never mess up!!! This is gonna be....Pixar's answer to the Phantom Menace? Wha-happened?? Why did John Lasseter sucker punch me? This is a joke right? Right?!
This movie sucks, hard. I am utterly baffled at the terrible script. For a studio that prides itself on always having a compelling story, the folks at Pixar made a movie that was worse than your worst fears. The dialogue in this movie is unbearable, like, Star Wars Prequels bad. Case in point, at the end of the movie, the two British spies fly from England to Radiator Springs with an order from the Queen to bring back Mater for another mission. Mater says something stupid like,
"Gee, thanks fellers, but my home is here in Radiator Springs." To which they reply, "Oh, I understand." AND THAT'S IT!!!! THE FLIPPING QUEEN SENT TWO TOP OPERATIVES TO COLLECT SOMEONE FOR A MISSION AND A "NAH, I'M GOOD." IS ALL IT TAKES TO ABORT THE MISSION!! SERIOUSLY?! Nothing holds any weight, major developments are just shrugged off, and Pixar seems to just assume we care rather than put any effort into making us care.
There are no characters in this movie, just vague shadows of the ones from the original Cars (which I love, by the way). The biggest problem with this movie is that John Lasseter assumes our sympathy for Mater instead of earning it. When your main character is a rude, selfish dolt with no concern for the feelings of others, it's impossible to feel bad when Lightning McQueen gets fed up with him. I had a friend who was similar to Mater growing up. He was loud, sometimes obnoxious,and often spoke before thinking. But you know what? He also knew when to cool it. He may say something embarrassing in public, but never humiliating. He could be himself AND acknowledge the feelings of his friends. He could rein himself in enough to respect his friends. The point is there is a line between being true to yourself, and being true to yourselfish (to turn a phrase from Peer Gynt) The problem with Mater in this movie is he lacks an ability to see what he's doing to his friends. If Mater cares about Lighting McQueen, then Lighting shouldn't have to scream at him to get his attention. Mater is a bad friend, which makes his words meaningless. If the central relationship rings false, the movie has no emotional core, and everything is a waste of time.
Fortunately, there's a nifty spy movie to keep this movie partly watchable. Michael Cain's Finn McMissile is the coolest car James Bond never drove. When the movie is in action mode, Pixar has some pretty cool tricks up its sleeve and the world building animation is stunning. In the end though, this moving is a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing.
Movie - 2/10
Animation - 9/10
This movie sucks, hard. I am utterly baffled at the terrible script. For a studio that prides itself on always having a compelling story, the folks at Pixar made a movie that was worse than your worst fears. The dialogue in this movie is unbearable, like, Star Wars Prequels bad. Case in point, at the end of the movie, the two British spies fly from England to Radiator Springs with an order from the Queen to bring back Mater for another mission. Mater says something stupid like,
"Gee, thanks fellers, but my home is here in Radiator Springs." To which they reply, "Oh, I understand." AND THAT'S IT!!!! THE FLIPPING QUEEN SENT TWO TOP OPERATIVES TO COLLECT SOMEONE FOR A MISSION AND A "NAH, I'M GOOD." IS ALL IT TAKES TO ABORT THE MISSION!! SERIOUSLY?! Nothing holds any weight, major developments are just shrugged off, and Pixar seems to just assume we care rather than put any effort into making us care.
There are no characters in this movie, just vague shadows of the ones from the original Cars (which I love, by the way). The biggest problem with this movie is that John Lasseter assumes our sympathy for Mater instead of earning it. When your main character is a rude, selfish dolt with no concern for the feelings of others, it's impossible to feel bad when Lightning McQueen gets fed up with him. I had a friend who was similar to Mater growing up. He was loud, sometimes obnoxious,and often spoke before thinking. But you know what? He also knew when to cool it. He may say something embarrassing in public, but never humiliating. He could be himself AND acknowledge the feelings of his friends. He could rein himself in enough to respect his friends. The point is there is a line between being true to yourself, and being true to yourselfish (to turn a phrase from Peer Gynt) The problem with Mater in this movie is he lacks an ability to see what he's doing to his friends. If Mater cares about Lighting McQueen, then Lighting shouldn't have to scream at him to get his attention. Mater is a bad friend, which makes his words meaningless. If the central relationship rings false, the movie has no emotional core, and everything is a waste of time.
Fortunately, there's a nifty spy movie to keep this movie partly watchable. Michael Cain's Finn McMissile is the coolest car James Bond never drove. When the movie is in action mode, Pixar has some pretty cool tricks up its sleeve and the world building animation is stunning. In the end though, this moving is a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing.
Movie - 2/10
Animation - 9/10
Thursday, June 23, 2011
DMCP - Lady and the Tramp
Ahhh.... Back to the classics. After suffering through some of Disney's lesser films, it easy to see how their classics are taken for granted. Lady and the Tramp was a welcome reminder for why I started this in the first place. It's touching, thrilling, adorable, and a whole lot of fun. For Disney's first full length original tale, Walt and Co. have done a fabulous job. This movie features some of Disney's favorite voice actors in multiple roles. The guy who played Smee in Peter Pan has about 6 roles in this movie and Lady is voiced by the same woman who voiced Kanga in Winnie the Pooh and Merriweather in Sleeping Beauty. It's also Kind of a hoot to hear the voice of Cinderella's fairy Godmother as crazy cat lady Aunt Sarah. Peggy Lee even pulls triple duty, playing both Siamese cats and the sultry dog in the pound. (Is it weird to describe a dog as 'sultry'? Maybe, but she is basically the doggy version of a lounge singer, so I'm gonna stick with it.)
As the spouse of a woman who really wants a puppy, (I wouldn't say no to one either) I was a little dismayed at the treatment of Lady by her owners once Darling became pregnant. I understand being cautious or distracted, but ignoring your dog's existence? That's just bad pet ownership. But I'll forgive it because it allows us the chance to see Lady go on her adventures. The climactic scene with the rat is really fantastic. I highly recommend revisiting this movie if you haven't scene it for a while.
8/10
*on a nerdy theatre note: You have to love any movie where the Russian dog in the pound quotes Gorky's "The Lower Depths"!
As the spouse of a woman who really wants a puppy, (I wouldn't say no to one either) I was a little dismayed at the treatment of Lady by her owners once Darling became pregnant. I understand being cautious or distracted, but ignoring your dog's existence? That's just bad pet ownership. But I'll forgive it because it allows us the chance to see Lady go on her adventures. The climactic scene with the rat is really fantastic. I highly recommend revisiting this movie if you haven't scene it for a while.
8/10
*on a nerdy theatre note: You have to love any movie where the Russian dog in the pound quotes Gorky's "The Lower Depths"!
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